intimate photography - the blog

{ acceptance }

2012-01-26T18:01:00.004-06:00

Sometimes I am baffled by my own silliness. How can it be that I have read, learned, and lived so many beautiful lessons and still manage to forget them at times?.... I marvel over how calm and at peace within myself I have become and then see myself spiral into self criticism and berate who I am. The past two weeks have been eye opening for me. When people told me how intense yoga training would be I grew more excited, I genuinely want to grow and change. The idea of having this opening fueled my desire to take this big step. I under estimated the pain that might accompany this journey. Though some may say it sounds cliche or even cheesy, yoga really has changed my life and as I sat here today reading more of the Yoga Sutra I had a wake up call to how I have been living recently, I have been giving my all for everyone but me and growing discouraged and insecure in myself because of the lack attention and love that I should have been giving myself. I'm not promoting selfishness or saying I want to give less to anyone else, just that I have not acknowledged that I am reaching and stepping out towards a goal and salute myself. Fear in failure has been dragging my mood down and the truth is that I have already succeeded in so much I should have a great deal more confidence than I have been moving with lately. I have avoided self evaluation, but as I have been thinking about this all today I am proud of who I am and my life, I have so much good and I forget to say "thank you" each day for all of it. No amount of pain or hurt should ever cause me to stray from an attitude of gratefulness and I admit that I have the last week or so. It hasn't been easy or fun to take this look inward and see how much I let myself and those I love down by not being focused or true to my intentions, but this step of accepting where I have been is the first in getting back on the track to where I am going.

The beauty of going through something that causes me to take a look at my life never ceases to amaze me, it's stunning how the universe knows when to bring something into my life to shake me and see a new place in my life to grow. With each lesson I learn and forget and relearn and re-forget, and....blah... I'm becoming more self aware and experiencing a new depth of mindfulness. I'm sure there is much more to come as I delve into these books and teachings of the yogic way, and I open my heart and arms to the challenge. I really like me and I don't want to let that go again.

{ an apprise of me } ~ austin area photographer

2012-01-14T00:00:00.001-06:00

First of all, if there is a "p" missing anywhere in this post, I apologize, my "p" key has been acting funky.

That tidbit aside, I guess you might be wondering where I have been (assuming that anyone has actually been checking to see if I have written anything). Since the holidays I have been working and playing a great deal. One could even say that I have been in the process of resolve. Although I have been going through a lot and opening my life to new things I haven't felt like sharing them yet, for whatever reason I internalized and kept away from my writing, which I ask you to forgive me of that transgression. Truly it excites me to let you guys in on the happenings in my life, sometimes they just feel mundane and my writing feels selfish. Most recently I think it has been intensely personal and I am always afraid of those deep and dear to my heart things being rejected and I just wasn't feeling free to expose that level of vulnerability the last couple of months.

If you have been reading my blog for any length of time you know by now that my life has taken many turns and I've endured some changes both painful and strengthening. My family and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye and there was hurt on both sides. This is still much the case as I experienced over Christmas when I went home for the first time in a long time. Though there remains cracks and splinters in some relationships with a few, there was healing and great strides made between my parents and myself, my heart feels happy and a little more whole than it did before that trip.

Another bit of news that I have hinted at but not expounded upon is that I am going to train as a yoga instructor. My official training began tonight and I entered nervous but stoked. I left with most of my qualms soothed and my excitement multiplied a thousand times. My life is going a new and beautiful direction. My intention is to write more about my journey and not leave you loyal friends and readers in the dark.

My first impression of my training group is a positive one, I'm looking forward to getting to know each person. The energy in our practice tonight was lovely and very relaxed, the time was more familiar than a first time meeting. Sanskrit scares me a little, it will be like learning a whole new language, but not so scary that I won't give it my all. I have dreams and plans surrounding this whole thing and it's frightening to put myself out into this because it's so near and dear to my heart, but it feels so right and ignites passion inside my soul. I have missed feeling so connected to my true self.

Because I have class again in just a few hours I need to make myself sleep. I look forward to telling you all more and hopefully sharing new photos soon, I miss photography and I love that I can bring that into my yoga life, I have lots of plans. :)

Peace and love.

{ santa dear } ~ austin area photographer

2011-12-12T14:46:00.000-06:00

Christmas time is here and all around I face reminders that there is shopping to be done. regrettably, shopping for gifts is almost always something I have to do last minute because I can't restrain myself from giving something right away. I love gift giving, from what I can recall of years past I also love receiving gifts (especially cash). I am also a firm believer in giving gifts that people truly want and ask for rather than trying to surprise them with something I "thought they would love!" That being my motto, I always ask my girls for their Christmas wish list. I find them greatly entertaining so I thought I would share them with you friends as I share our photo shoot for the holiday season, I love these beauties so much and had a ball taking all the pictures you are about to see.

A little game we call "Everyone Kiss Avery!"

Avery's list:

Beats

Shoes

Clothes

Nice journals (that's my girl!)

Masyn's list:

A laptop (still wishing from last year)

A cell phone

New athletic style tennis shoes (because all she has now are Converse)

Evelyn's list:

Everything same as Masyn with these additions...

A wooden doll house, with all the pieces and accessories (I'm not making this up, those were her exact words)

An American Girl doll

Perfume

Now my list:

A vacuum cleaner

Max and Chloe gold necklace

More Prada "Candy" perfume

Lulu Lemon gift card(s)

Journals/books/papers

Incense and candles

I'm pretty content but a girl can always have a wish list :)

Happy Holidays to each of you and I'll be posting an update soon so you can follow along the exciting journey I have jumped into!!

{ therapeutic life } ~ austin area photographer

2011-11-08T23:59:00.000-06:00

It has been a week, a blissful, challenging, strengthening, fantastic, week of having some time off during the day. I have practiced yoga each day and tried various studios and teachers. I have been able to make time to meet with friends for yoga, a run, or just a drink. I went to Avery's school play and got to see my parents and grandmother. Life is beautiful. The change has been soothing to my soul and I feel renewed each day with some new element of life to enjoy that I previously have not had time for.

Today I met my friend who I feel is my yoga guru and we had a 7 am yoga session in this awesome little flamenco dance studio and then enjoyed coffee and a great hour plus of conversation and gentle fall breeze. We talked about the things that happen in our lives to make us who we are and bring us to the places where we now find ourselves. I was impacted deeply in my thoughts and all day have been going back to various times in my life and memories that stand out as having shaped who I am and what I feel is important to pass along to my own girls. Honestly I recognize that I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through all that I have in my 29 years on this earth. Though the last few have brought many tears, obstacles, growth, and adjustment, there isn't anything that has been wasted, I can find something to appreciate from every experience.

When I left my guru and headed home, I changed my mind and went out to begin a task I have been considering for some time now, putting up a bookshelf above my little bench in my den. I know this sound frivolous and not that exciting, but I could have gone home to nap (since I had only nabbed 3 hours of snooze time last night). I feel like it's these break-from-the=norm moments that make a good day great. Determined, I gathered the tools and shelves and began to work. By 1 PM I had accomplished my mission and have unloaded much clutter from my cabinets, dresser, bedside table, and any flat surface where I could lay one of my cherished books. It felt so good to move forward with something so domestic so I continued on with some more cleaning and then hours of reading and studying before going to get my babies from school. Yes, this is certainly the way my life should be going, the direction feels natural and every day ahead bright.

{ paradigm interrupted } ~ austin area photographer

2011-11-01T14:28:00.002-06:00

The thought landed in my mind much earlier this month, the solid and unavoidable truth of the answer crashing in right behind.

"If I were to lose my job today, what have I been building?"

I think a few of you actually have tried to make plans with me or arrange times to speak on the phone and the answer has always been the same "Oh I can't, I'm working." I am a hard worker, I don't really know how to give things less than my all when I am committed. Never before had I realized though that the all I have been giving is earning me only a meager paycheck, nothing of lasting value. Yes, money is required to take care of my girls and essential to living a comfortable life. However, my girls are growing up fast and my lifestyle is still a struggle financially at times, so why pour myself into this large company and have no time for the loves of my life?.... I could only reel in shock of what I was facing. There has to be more, where I spend my time has to mean more, it has to make some kind of lasting impact or I just can't rationalize being away from my girls and people I care about so often.

Planning went into motion and I began to meditate and consider what truly matters and what I would see as a valuable route for my time spent away as well as earning money to support my girls. My answer is much longer than any blog post I've ever composed, I want to do everything and anything that matters, I want to share my life and the things I have learned, and I want to become a student, a sponge, continuing to broaden my mind and experiences. I want to live.

As you all might be wondering what rash things I have done or gripping your chairs with anxiety over my seemingly silly free spirit, fear not, I have work and I am able to earn money to support my babies and pursue the field(s) I truly desire. Because of how much I was working, my doula studies have taken a back seat, that will no longer be the case, I am going to finish that and begin taking clients as soon as possible. Also in the spring I am going to train as a yoga instructor so that I might also incorporate yoga in my doula packages and perhaps private lessons and classes for non pre-natal clients. Already I have been practicing yoga daily and focusing myself on diet and wellness, I feel amazing and like the light in my life has been switched back to "On."

Look forward to more pictures and writing as I will actually have time now to invest in my writing and photography again!! Love you all and appreciate those of you who I have spilled this to previously who help me see my strength and opportunities.

{ about a boy } ~ austin area photographer

2011-10-13T19:22:00.000-06:00

On Thursday of last week, life as we have known it in my house of ladies changed. We welcomed a guest as a huge surprise to Avery for her birthday. A kid so awesome that I gladly would adopt him as my own. Tyler is Avery's best friend and also the son of my own best friend, he saved up money to buy a plane ticket to come see her and we all kept it hush-hush.

I got to fetch Tyler from the airport and from the very first time I saw him I knew he was going to fit right in with us, he was so laid back and had a great sense of humor, even though he was lugging a giant bag all through the parking garage as we searched for my lost parked car.

We began plotting right away how could have a memorable reveal. As we plotted we also enjoyed some speedy site seeing and a mini photo shoot.

A stop for lunch at WholeFoods was on our agenda.... and we nabbed this shot for my favorite ever, Karen. This is for Karen because of the fire fighter horse in the background. :)

Yummy orange chicken. Also observe how much he looks like Fred Savage. I kept having flashbacks to The Wonder Years and wanted him to run up and wave sideways to my camera...and I could hear "what would you do if I sang out of tune..." over and over when I looked at him.

My littles got to meet Tyler before their big sister, because we picked them up from school. Masyn couldn't believe it, she said "are you really Tyler?" I think Evy just tried to kiss him.

Finally this big got to meet her very best friend...and she was super stoked!! It was a raucous moment and I didn't get a better picture but even though it's dark, you can see the excitement clear as day. Such a great moment in our house.

Having Tyler here truly shook us up in a good way. I just loved spending time with all the kids together and having a boy in the mix made it so fun. We had adventures, loads of laughter, silliness, sleepiness, games, jokes, skypes, and more. Although tears have been shed over his leaving, it was the best weekend we have all had in a long time. Thank you Tyler, for making the sacrifice to save and spend to get here and thank you to your family for giving you over to us for almost a week...letting you go home was a tough moment for all us girls here. We want your whole family to come live in Austin.

{ slightly humble pie } ~ austin area photographer

2011-10-06T18:01:00.001-06:00

Surprisingly I received many comments via email or random friends I ran into saying that they really enjoyed the post a while back about my thoughts regarding the (my weird) world of dating. Even as recently as last night I had someone tell me that they agreed with much of what I had to say and appreciated my candor in sharing. It's that same honesty that prompts me to post tonight.

I actually went on a date and I didn't want to kill myself during or after. The date was impromptu which was good because I didn't have time to freak out and wish I could cancel, it was light and conversation was natural because the guy knew ahead of time what sort of words fall out of my mouth. Drinks moved to dinner and a few hours of conversation and a parting hug, so my little theory about dinner and drinks still firmly stands in my mind but now I have to concede that there are exceptions to every rule. ;)

Today I shared this experience with someone who I've whined to about love and dating, we began to investigate our own reaction to these random good dates and how we make absolutely sure that we ruin the potential from the get go.

I can't speak for him as to why he might find himself wrecking things before they blossom, but I can safely say that I make mistakes to save the nice people I meet from possible harm. I know fairly quickly if I want to continue to see someone and even when I think I would like to spend more time with someone, I make all the wrong moves because I want to filter out all the men who might get scared when they truly know me. It's ridiculous this behavior I have adopted, I just am a big mess and laugh at myself about it all the time, when I type it here it's making me embarrassed at how selfish this pattern of my life has become. Living in a bubble and having to be seen and heard a certain way for such a long time has scared me away from conformity, however I'm starting to think maybe I have walled myself off so much that I might be pushing away someone who could sweep me off my feet.

I told my friend through our text exchange today that men are lucky, they can sabotage something or mess up over and over and girls often just want to stick with someone because they fear being alone. They would rather settle for something so-so than to be single and wait for that someone who sends them over the moon. He concurred that lots of us girls are freaking out about the marriage time clock. I feel so fortunate that I have don't have these time constraints making me panic or desperate. Although I have been called a loner for having this mentality, I really do want a relationship eventually, I just want it to be fun, nurturing, passionate, exciting, playful, easygoing, silly, sexy, and more. I realize that this is a tall order, but I genuinely believe great things are worth waiting for.

So following the advice of a wise (actually professional) friend, I am willing to let myself feel attraction, to stop being so quick to write men off, and allow myself be a little spoiled. Just because I haven't been wooed entirely does not mean I am broken, it just means I am a challenge and like a worthy opponent.

{ returning desideratum } ~ austin area photographer

2011-10-05T22:34:00.002-06:00

After quite a long time without this silver beauty, I am happy to let you all know that my ears are perking to the familiar "click" of the keys I have caressed for over 5 years. This shimmering rectangle is essential in my life and I have felt lost throughout our estrangement caused by the failure of her video chip (or something along those media lines). My MacBook Pro is back from repairs with a whole new Memory Board.

I just want to sit here and type all through the night, however I must get to bed and recover from my insane lack of sleep. Tomorrow is a day full of errands and cleaning, but I hope to sneak in at least an hour to compose a decent blog for you few loyal and lovely readers. Thank you for not forgetting me while I endured this summer of transition, measuring of my determination, and most recently euphoric reunion. Until tomorrow my dears, muah!

{ truly pine } ~ austin area blogger

2011-10-02T10:18:00.000-06:00

Hello friends, I am back in connection with the world, meaning that I have access to the world wide web. I am not sure anyone is still around to read, but I am anxious to write and reconnect with you guys.

Now I am off to pamper my oldest beauty, she is the big 1-3 today, which is shocking and humbling and awesome.

I have been gathering stories and thoughts so don't forget to check back, I'm not actually dead after all.

{ fire on the trail } ~ austin area fashion photographer

2011-08-28T10:56:00.000-06:00

More pictures from my commercial work. This is Cassidy, a stunning young lady who is coming up huge in the modeling scene in Austin, TX. She was styled by my favorite stylist in the world, Alisha who works out of the salon Mirror|Mirror.

{ blue maven } ~ austin area fashion photographer

2011-08-23T23:46:00.001-06:00

As promised I am going to share some of the commercial photography that has been keeping me away from posting more personal photos, well not just from posting but from even taking them. I'm terribly behind on shooting anything in my own life. I'd sort of like to clone myself so that I could shoot my own pictures with my girls, I'm supremely ridiculous, but I know exactly what I want to capture and I just can't make it happen with the timer on my camera.

So that whining out of the way, here are some pictures that I took for my hair stylist Alisha, who practices her amazing art at Mirror|Mirror in Austin, TX. Alisha is such a talented artist for hair, make-up, and photography and just about the most genuinely sweet person I have ever met, I love her. The model in the photos is another beautiful girl inside and out that I was lucky to work with named Blue. Blue has that timeless beauty that sets her apart from other pretty faces as stunning. Even her out takes were lovely. She was such a trooper, we shot these in 100+ degree weather and she smiled the whole time while I bossed her around and made her move in uncomfortable positions and places. I am so honored to have had part in this session. Enjoy the show...

{ ameliorating dates } ~ austin area photographer

2011-08-17T22:34:00.001-06:00

I've been dying to use the word "ameliorate" in a title, it is my favorite word of all time because of the meaning and the obvious fact that it is my name. You're welcome for that splendid addition to your vocabulary if you were formerly unaware of this fun appellation.

I want to thank you all for the generous response to my previous post about dating. I had no idea I had so many readers who were single or dating, thanks guys I appreciate the love. So from urging via emails and one brave comment, I have decided that I will post a compilation of date ideas that I feel surpass the normal "dinner and drinks" idea that most men rely on when asking a woman out.

Let me interject my own post to say that this is all based on my brief and very biased experience in the dating world. You can send hate mail and leave mean comments if that makes you feel better, I can take it and understand that each person has their own views. The ones written here are mine because well, it is my blog, that being said I do keep an open mind and that is why I have had the experiences that I base all this from.

Let's get started with some ideas shall we...

1. Live music.
I am a big fan of this date idea. Most people enjoy music so that is a plus, but also it takes all the pressure of conversation away. You can see a glimpse of the taste of who you are inviting or the one inviting you. If you both have a good time and like the show you have automatic common ground. The energy of a live show is typically upbeat and a positive environment.

2. Sporting events.
Yes I do realize that some girls will argue that sports are boring, for me I think going to game is a marvelous idea. Baseball, basketball, hockey, golf (weather permitting), races, ect. All of these give you a chance to get excited and root for a team or player, even if you have a rivalry it's charged with energy and competition. There can be post game celebrations if all goes well, however I think it's a great way to get to know someone without having that terrible grilling process that makes me want to shave my own eyebrows. You can both watch and comment and not have to stare into each other's faces trying hard to think of something clever to say.

3. Games.
Personally this is a favorite of mine. Maybe I am keen to this idea because I grew up loving games and still feel like a big kid, whatever the case it's a very lighthearted time to be had and generates easygoing conversation and laughter. If you don't have somewhere to play or you don't own games there are lots of places that have games inside. In Austin there are even bars with shuffleboard or giant Jenga, it's amazing.

4. Something active.
Go rock climbing, play a round of mini golf or regular golf, go running, rent bikes and go for a ride, go hiking, take a yoga class, just get physical. Endorphins will promote happiness which is good, but you will also be learning what it's like to incorporate that into a friendship or relationship, if she/he isn't down with getting out and sweating a little, do you really want that person?

5. Go to the water.
Lake, beach, or river, just get out in the sunshine and relax. I realize this is a season sensitive idea, so if it's cold, refer to another option on the list.

6. Do something embarrassing.
Karaoke, bowling, a comedy show. You know those things that are kind of outside your comfort zone, I think those are brilliant. Honestly if you can shake off the nerves and have fun then you move up a notch in my book. I know you might wonder why I lump bowling in with this idea but if you have witnessed my bowling you would understand.

7. Movies/plays.
Yes it's an old fashioned and totally bland idea, yet to me a movie is still a very logical first date route to take. This frees you from having to venture into the awkward, you basically let actors and actresses do all the work. You can mix it up if you live by a cool theatre that does fun stuff like quote-alongs or maybe a drive-in or outdoor theatre in a park, those would be interesting and fun as well. Live theatre is always preferable to me because I am a huge fan of plays, you may be surprised to learn that I'm a geek tried and true and love musicals and amateur theatre.

8. Cook.
You can take a class or just have fun at your own place. It can be a date where you include others and come together for potluck. You can shop together for the ingredients and use the shopping list like a scavenger hunt and split it down the middle and race. There are so many ways to get creative with this idea. Genuine conversation can be sparked so it's not the typical dinner where you just wait at a table to be served and stare at each other. I would even hope for a food fight, but again I am certain I am not the norm.

9. Go support a local event.
There are always art shows, museums, cocktail parties, and many other events going on locally all over the place. Get connected with sources where you can learn about these and plan dates around those events. Economical and supports your community, win win.

10. Go wine tasting.
Be careful with this one, you don't want to get sloshed, but getting out and learning more about wine is so interesting and the atmosphere in the wineries is usually very romantic and alluring. I am a fan, although I have only ever been by myself I do think it would make an excellent date. Lots of local markets such as WholeFoods offer wine tasting if you don't happen to live near a winery.

It's getting late and I do have to wake up and try to look bright eyed at work tomorrow, so I will stop at 10. I hope that you are each inspired to be more imaginative when planning your dates whether they be with someone new or your significant other. Have fun and never take moments for granted. Do not get into the dinner and drinks rut, if you go out to eat try new places and make it an adventure.

Again I want to admit that these ideas might not be welcomed by all women or men you might meet, but my hope is that you see that being creative is a plus and though I'm not like most girls...I think that truly many of the girls I know would highly approve of this list. Let the tomatoes fly.

Click here to view my side project and I am sorry if you stumble onto someone who you relate to in my dating post.

{ a sardonic list without illustration } ~ austin area blogger

2011-08-13T10:49:00.000-06:00

I know you all dislike posts without photos, however I have been shooting mainly commercial as of late and will share another time. I have been really swamped with work and events this month, but I really miss blogging so here is a little post that has been swimming around my wild thought life all morning.

It is my personal opinion that dates are stupid. I actually hate them. It feels to me like a painful job interview where someone is sizing me up to see if I am good enough and I have this minor feeling of guilt because I know for sure I'm not attracted to them as much as I require and I will probably never want to see them again. Actually, I always regret even saying "yes" to go on a date, there have been maybe 2 exceptions. So I've compiled a top 10 list of why (in my opinion) dating is for the birds...

*Disclaimer: If I were in a committed relationship these would not apply to the typical "date night" this is all in reference to the awkward "first date."

1. It's never convenient. It takes a whole big chunk of time out of my regularly scheduled life and for someone I will most likely never want to see again, that's asking a lot.

2. Conversation is forced. In time relationships develop and you get to know someone better and that's cool, but on a date there is that awful rapid fire question scenario that is literally the easiest way to kill any attraction that might have been felt. Truly, if you want to get to know someone, let it unfold naturally and organically.

3. Calories. I don't want to go out to eat that much, come on and suggest a good date like an outdoor activity or live music. I can literally make a post of BETTER DATE IDEAS that would be twice the length of this one.

4. Guys try too hard. It's not impressive, at all.

5. Dates are never funny. I need more laughter and I could probably be stupid at home and laugh more in one hour than I have collectively on every date I have been on in the last year (which really isn't a staggering number of dates, but truly guys...get a sense of humor).

6. A waste of money. Guys, you know you have thought that at some point in time.

7. The awkward silence. I won't say more about that.

8. The attempt of PDA. Ew, truly I would have let you know if I wanted anything physical AT ALL. I don't like people in my space unless I invite them close and I'm very affectionate, so can you imagine the girls who aren't?! They are probably repulsed when you go in for a kiss or hug.

9. Rejection. Given or taken it just isn't fun and can be avoided by not pushing someone into alone time right off the bat, just ease into something and get to know who they are from a little distance, if you mutually can't keep the distance...then have fun and keep it light. There are way too many 5 minute relationship status changes on Facebook already.

10. Ultimately, I need to be swept off my feet and dates are just too pre-meditated for my romantic imagination.

{ summer epilogue } ~ austin area child photographer

2011-07-31T09:22:00.001-06:00

The hot days here in Texas where temperatures reach 106 degrees regularly are my favorite. My body responds to the warmth and somehow I am reminded that I am alive and I feel it in my skin. I want to pause the seasons here for a while.

The girls went school supply shopping this week, it's basically right around the corner. My days of having these fun little ladies around all day are numbered and I am not yet ready to send them back to school for more than half the day. It's so bittersweet, because they too love summer but are anxious for their new school year, each moving into a big new place in their education.

Avery will be in the 7th grade. She loved 6th and embraced theatre arts and drama. This year she will be able to participate in even more because she will be joining as a veteran thespian.

Masyn is headed into the 2nd grade. She is reading and practicing her math skills, I have no doubt she will do well this year, I can see her changing all the time and becoming more gentle and aware of those around her, I think she will make a lot of new friends. Her attention to detail surpasses any I have witnessed and I believe that will aid in her school work.

Evelyn is 5 years old and will have her first year of official schooling this fall, she begins Kindergarden. I am fairly sure that all she is concerned about is her social standing in the class and I don't foresee any problems there except perhaps with her teachers if she gets too distracted from the work. She is a little chatty bug and always having fun, the more structured class that she will be going into might be a very good challenge for her. Hopefully she will learn the perfect balance of school work, talk, play, and rest.

While we still have these hot sunshine days I want to play in the pool, lay around watching movies, and squeeze in as many full days with my bebes as possible. I love summer.

{ heart full of ramble } ~ austin area photographer

2011-07-04T12:32:00.000-06:00

Truly just have so much on my mind right now and finding it hard to know what to share, if I should share, and really what's worth letting rest on my mind. June was a strange month with many smiles, tears, and emotions. I want to celebrate the good.

These two little ladies really helped me get through a whole 5 weeks without their big sister. We all missed her and were ready for her to return from camp, but we also are learning to see June as our month for adventures. As previously posted we do a lot of childish things that make my heart so happy.

June also brought with it a spirit of romance. I love these carvings on the tree branch where we hike because it reminds me that we are all part of a giant love story. Though my story is at a pause it has sparked an interest for me to observe and begin a writing project about relationships. I guess you could say that I've really connected to the old saying "those who can't do, teach."

I love that Masyn will hang from branches and isn't scared of much. Her trust in nature and confidence in her own strength is exciting. This picture makes me smile.

While yard sale shopping a while back I finally found something I have been hunting down for many years. I found an old fashioned card game, specifically Old Maid. My Me-Maw had a set of Old Maid cards when I was little and it was my sister and my favorite game to play with her. She would laugh so hard and make us laugh as well. The characters were retro and cool and I have never found anything that came close to being as cool. When I stumbled onto this set I was SO excited. We have been playing it a ton and my girls love it as much as I remember loving it at my grandma's house. We play almost daily.

Now to wrap up, just a couple pretty pictures of these girls I am so lucky to have in my life. When I capture them in photos I often just sit and muse over how stunning and full of personality they are. Do other parents all feel the same thing about their kids? They amaze me each day, even when they are out of control wild. They are the reason my heart knows how to love so much.

Just as a closing note, I want to say how much I miss my friends who are moving away or who I have moved away from. Cherish all the little pieces of time you have to hug your friends and hang out because when they are gone and you have only a phone or keyboard to connect, there is a spot where they should be and it hurts a little. To a special four ladies who may or may not read this, I miss you so much.

{ june's triumvirate } ~ austin area photographer

2011-06-19T19:58:00.001-06:00

It's our second summer without Avery. She is away at her 5 week camp having a grand time. We miss her, but we certainly take advantage of our time to run a little extra wild and have adventures all our own.

We have been good about sleeping in a little, but not too late. It's nice to get up and make breakfast for the littles and have some coffee, then I force myself to work out and let the girls play or argue or whatever they feel like doing while I jam out on the treadmill for a couple miles. Typically they have been fighting over Avery's iPod which she wasn't allowed to take to camp. Finally we've worked out a time agreement, they take 30 minute turns. Here is little Evelyn playing some very intense game during one of her half hours....

Super serious.

My doober-doo is getting so smart and growing up so fast. I truly wish I could freeze time and just enjoy her this way for a long time, I'm not sure that I am ready to lose these days.

I have been much better about taking pictures of our outings and even just our time inside lounging around. These moments where we can run wild at the pool, go hiking, sit and share treats at coffee shops, treasure hunt in vintage stores, and visit with friends are something I love. Summer is most assuredly my favorite time of year. I kind of just wish we could live like vagabonds and travel the U.S. on smiles and winks.

Here are some pictures of what "rest time" can turn into at my house. ;)

Much more to share but once again limited on time. I swear that I will get internet at home again, this having to drive places is ridiculously inconvenient.

{ vague + vivid } ~ austin area photographer

2011-06-13T14:04:00.000-06:00

Always around this time of year I think about Waltonia. Waltonia was the place of my youth where I felt 100% myself even as a child. It was the trip my family took each summer and my favorite place in the whole world. I drove through it last summer when I dropped Avery for camp, that was my first time back in 11 years. I hope I can open the door for my girls to build memories like my family did for me.

So I leave you with this little rant that I typed up this morning while I was reminiscing about my summers in Kerrville. My littles and I are headed out to hike and enjoy a scalding day in Austin. A lot of silliness is about to go down.

The Vague and the Vivid--

I have so many early memories, snapshots that are bright and poignant but fleeting, they have no background or dialog I can link. These flashes have emotion, I can connect them with a positive or negative feeling. I remember eating Ramen Noodles off the sidewalk in front of my house when I was about 2 or 3, the uncooked kind. I can’t say for sure, but I think my sisters and I snuck a few packages outside and they ran off with the little flavor packets and I remained right out front in full view just eating the little square of crunchy noodles and I was happy. In full contrast to that good but gross memory I also have the distinct picture of being cornered in our backyard while my oldest sister towered over me with a lizard in her fingers (taking a break here to go vomit) and threatening to put it on me. A deeply traumatic memory which I blame as the very beginning of my lizard phobia, I will find out the proper name for that soon. A negative moment in my past no question.

The most prominent memories that I have center around Waltonia. The only real vacation spot I was ever taken to growing up and the highlight of each year for me until the age 17. Waltonia is a camp site that when I was younger had 15 or 16 rustic cabins. My family stayed in #12 until I was 16. We spent one week as a family floating the Guadalupe River, taking walks, playing games, napping, and more. Typically we’d start out with a breakfast of cereal and then run around or swing until the grown ups were ready to take out down to the river. We’d suit up, grab an inner-tube and hike down to the waterfront. It would take us a while to build the courage to jump in the cold water, but once we were in the games were on and we’d splash around for hours at a time, when I say “hours” I mean like 4 hours of just being in the water. Literally sundrenched we would return to our cabin and make a quick lunch, somehow I link it with bologna and mayonnaise that actually tasted incredible to me back then, I am convinced that swimming makes all food taste better. Even though I balked about it each day, a luxurious nap would follow. I’d sleep for at least 3 hours, heaven to me and to my parents I am sure! When I got older nap time was reading time, which could last even longer than 3 hours, I adored just laying next to an open window and smelling the trees while I got lost in a Baby Sitters Club or Sweet Valley High book. From the moment I woke up or found a chapter to hold my place it was beg-time. My sister Rebecca and I would plead to go back to the water. We had friends in other cabins and we’d go make plans with them too and beg their parents. Finally one of the adults would cave in and take us back out to swim. Another round in the water, often it would be a trip to the low water bridge, a section next to the entrance of the camp ground where the road cut through the river and the water rushed under it at a dangerous speed. We would make up stories about all the possible drownings it had caused and scream if we got near it. Eventually they crafted a grate over it, making it seem far less exciting to play around. On Wednesday the schedule was rearranged for a special trip into town, the nearest town was Kerrville, TX. Our family and several others staying out at Waltonia would go eat Mexican food at Mamacitas. All of us kids would sit at one end and then the teens were close, they’d make us laugh and I remember wanting to be just like my sisters and my friend Tiffany’s brother, they were the cool ones to me. Even as a kid I felt drawn to certain people. Thursday night was another special night for our little camp community. Again it involved town. In Kerrville there is an outdoor theatre called the Pointe Theatre. They would run a few shows each summer so we would buy tickets to the Thursday night performance each year no matter what it was. Some were well known and some were things I’d never heard of, but I developed a love for the stage and appreciation for amateur acting that I credit to those talented people at the Pointe Theatre. Even when packing for the trip we would plan a special outfit for “play night.” As little kids it meant putting on a dress instead of ratty shorts and tee shirts, but as I grew up it evolved to full on hot rolling of the hair, painting my nails, and putting make-up on. Fashion was something innate for me, I enjoyed the dressing up almost as much as the actual play. Friday was a bittersweet day, all our normal activities were present, we played a little longer in the water, finished eating all the treats we had purchased for the trip, made special trips to some little rapids, and most importantly we planned our annual night time walk past the haunted cabins of the old Waltonia campgrounds to the Ingrim Cemetery. The teenagers did most of the planning and haunting, I remember the first year I crossed the line from walking to scaring (truly, I was still scared myself). There were flashlights, water balloons, silly string, shaving cream, spooky noises, and oddly potato chip bags. It was thrilling to have the older kids try to spook us, they would make up stories all during the week building up to the big walk. Each year they would do one big scary thing, my favorite was they year they faked a car running over one of the guys and smeared his shirt with oil in the print of a tire, then he popped up and chased us. Brilliant sound and visual effects to a 6 year old, I was wowed. After we got back to the camp, we would jump in the river in our clothes for a night swim, I still love this. Saturday was such a hard day for me, we would pack up and leave by lunchtime, every year I cried a little. The drive home was always faster than the drive there and I would finish whatever book I was in the middle of and once home I would begin counting the days until the next summer....

Waltonia might very well be my favorite part of my childhood.

{ bumbling chapter } ~ austin area photographer

2011-06-07T14:19:00.002-06:00

I tried this last week and I quickly realized I hadn't really evaluated all the content and given accurate credit where it was due. I had delivered a very biased and almost hostile view of portions of my upbringing.

The following is a roughly drafted excerpt from the memoirs I have long been working on and sadly haven't made much ground until recently. I have been writing more and more as of late, however it's difficult to post because I have no internet connection at my apartment, so I have to pack up the laptop and visit a wifi sharing facility in order to connect to the outside world.

All your patience and encouragement for me to write has prompted me to share this. Please let me know if you think it's worth pursuing.

Memoirs.

My story is divided. There are many parts that make up this Amelia. My life could have been very normal and I might have turned out exactly the same, but it wasn’t, it took a lot to make me this way.

From the beginning my life was unusual in some regard. I was the last of 6 kids, two of which were adopted. My sister’s who were adopted have always felt as close and even closer in many ways than my natural born sisters and my brother. For example of my siblings only the two which aren’t blood related to me are the only ones still trying to be somewhat involved in my life after divorce. Lyndsey, being 6 years older than me and looking nothing like me whatsoever, is my closest friend in all my family. She and I somehow understand each other. I have considered the possibility that I was also adopted or found somewhere, but my height and hairline link me too closely with my father and my thighs and ass prove I was born from my mom’s bloodline.

I do feel fortunate to have grown up in a large family. There are many perks to having a lot of siblings. One thing positive is the level of distraction that they can offer. Many times I escaped certain strangling because one of my sisters had done something seemingly worse than I had or at least more attention getting than myself and I was able to fly under the radar. The drawback to that being that I often view my parent’s affection and doting as having been used up by the time I came to the world. Looking back and seeing the difference in involvement in my life versus my older sisters and my brother, there isn’t even a comparison. They had far too much going on in life by the time I came around. My dad was a farmer and was required to be out checking fields and taking care of the land through all the daylight hours and into the evening as well. My mom has always been the most entrepreneurial person I’ve known, I thought she was Superwoman. She owned several businesses and stayed busy helping others. Because of my parents devout work ethic my sisters provided most of the childcare in our house. I felt a bit as if I was raised by my sisters, most specifically my two oldest sisters. As a child I would watch movies in their laps and listen to them talk on the phone, gossip with their friends, truly I felt older just by being around them. Even though I was born in the early 80’s, I often feel as though I lived my teen years through the 80’s just because I spent so much time immersed in pop culture by clinging to my teenage sisters.

More than once I have pondered how on earth my mom took care of 6 kids and now that I am older and able to really evaluate my childhood, I see that she kind of let us raise ourselves and become self sufficient. I don’t remember her even being home much because she owned her own businesses and was really involved with multiple projects. Still, the financial aspect boggles me, I can hardly afford 3 kids, wait I can’t even afford 3 kids. There were luxuries that I absolutely had to forego, like classes of any sort. I remember wanting to be sent to modeling school like my older sisters had been, but not being able to go. College would have been great too, but my parents felt like my teenage pregnancy deserved eternal punishment and considered paying for Avery’s birth as my choosing healthcare through childbirth over a college tuition. I needed their help and they gave it to me as they saw fit, which was to pay for some necessities and then let me struggle to experience the life I “chose” by having sex at 16. I owe my drive and self motivation to my parents, at 17 I learned what it’s like to have to earn a paycheck and I have been working hard ever since. I don’t know what it’s like to relax and plan vacations, I don’t even remember what vacation is.

Even though I sound bitter (it’s because I am a little), honestly I am still working through some of that, I have cherished memories from my childhood. My recollection of youth starts very early because I had a traumatic overdose experience when I was about 18 months old, which I remember with vivid detail. I was supposed to be napping when I snuck into my mom’s bathroom and opened her Synthroid which she took to medicate her under active thyroid. I believe she had that particular container for about a week or so and it contained 90 pills or close. So when I opened the childproof bottle and ate the remaining tablets, I probably ingested close to 80. My mom found me well before any reaction occurred and she drove me to the ER. Once there they began to give me “syrup” which I begged for more of. It was Ipecac which is used to induce vomiting. It worked really well on my 18 month old system, I began to regurgitate tiny pink pills over and over into a mustard yellow plastic container. After a struggle, I was given an IV to rehydrate my little body and placed in a crib to sleep. My mom sat in a rocking chair and the room was dark. As I let myself truly remember and put myself back in that crib, I can sense her worry, I believe she thought she might lose me, it’s one of the only times I can remember actually feeling her love me. It’s weird to say that when I almost died is one of my best memories, but that moment when I felt true concern from my mother is something I will never let go of, it makes me feel better about the rest of my life. Like when Elinor Daswood tells her sister Marianne “whatever his past actions, whatever his present course, at least you may be certain that he loved you.”

My dad has always needed a great deal of affection and because of that he is a master at doling it out. From as far back as I can recall my father has been enamored with my mother, at least he always appeared to be and that president was set. He touched her and complimented her all the time and would tell us kids what a special lady she was. He would tell all of us kids how much he loved us and would openly hug and kiss us. Still to this day he leaves me the kindest voicemail messages just to let me know that at least one of my two parents cares for me even though they both heartily disagree with my life choices (meaning my divorce). I also have a twinge of sadness when I think about how my mom would always shrug him off or even push him away. I know that my season of distance is linked to my idolization of my mother and I was just acting how I saw her act and believing what she spoke about him. I regret those teen years when I wouldn’t accept his hugs. I’m trying to make up for it and learn from it, he is my best example of how affection should be freely given and the quota for loving words can never be met.

{ telephonically speaking } ~ austin area photographer

2011-05-26T15:58:00.000-06:00

I'm without Internet momentarily....dont forget me.

Sent from my iPhone

Xo~ Amelia

{ idolizing mother } ~ austin area photographer

2011-05-06T22:38:00.001-06:00

I would like to thank the two of you who were concerned for my extreme lack of posting over the last month. Momentarily I don't feel like writing about all that has caused it to be so, however I wanted to let both of you know that you missing me meant a great deal to me.

Now onto what I truly wanted to share tonight...

With Mother's Day approaching I have made a few jokes recently about how I look forward to when my girls are a little older and will do something as a treat for me. Selfish, yes I am and I admit it. I did decide however that I will do something for my girls an reverse the conventional ideas of Mother's Day. Giving back to the whole reason for the day...my girls who make me try to be a better mother every day.

When I was growing up my dad treated my mom like a queen in front of me. He seemed to elevate her above all and dote on her. In truth, I idolized my mother. In my mind she was the most beautiful and talented woman on earth. Her pictures from her teen years seemed impossibly gorgeous, like the girl everyone would envy. She has painted, sewn, owned her own business, played tennis, and more...I felt there was nothing she could not excel at if she tried. Even when I disliked her, I still thought she was amazing. When I was angry with her, I often tried to blame others to avoid discord with her. Through hard times, scary times, beautiful times, and most enjoyable times, I loved my mom more than anyone.

Being a grown up is not always fun. One day I had to face the fact that my mom is an incredible person, but she is human. I think I began to realize this when I saw myself love my oldest so much, but I still made so many mistakes as a mother. My mom rarely talks to me because she is so disappointed in my choice to divorce. There is a great big empty spot in my life where my mom belongs, but I feel that my ideals which I developed as a child will never be met. I must look for ways to be real and open with my girls and love them without condition. This is my lesson for mother's day and my mid-year resolution.

{ deeply shallow } ~ austin area photographer

2011-03-26T17:11:00.000-06:00

Yesterday (and for a while before that) I was a mess. Unhappy and just not myself. I could argue that things aren't as I would like them to be in all areas of my life, but that's no excuse to remain unhappy. I was so upset with myself for not being able to escape the funk I was settling into. All my usual tricks to lift my spirits were not working, something was seriously wrong. Today, after sleeping in a while, going to a good yoga practice, and laying in the sun sweating out the negativity, I came inside and watched a lot of Californication then sat on my balcony and watched it rain while flipping through Shape magazine. In that moment of looking at beauty tips and new moves to mix into my workout, I snapped back into me. I felt happiness when I thought about how I wanted to fix my hair and new make-up I wanted to try. The thought of painting nails with a friend and getting outside my own pity party made me smile and that's when the sadness went away. I wonder now if I was just trying too hard to smile or was I looking for something bigger and more meaningful than YSL mascara? Maybe and I guess for me, I just need to stay open, stay appreciative, and not get in the way of my own happiness.

{ following in leaps } ~ austin area photographer

2011-03-19T09:25:00.001-06:00

For the past couple of weeks I have been researching what it would take for me to become a certified birth and postpartum doula. Having delivered both with and without medication, I am passionate about helping women recognize the energy and power of their own bodies and how beautifully labor and delivery can be when approached freely, naturally, educated, and with great support.

Typically when I have talked to people about this I am met with the question "what's a doula?" A good web definition I found here is: "a woman who gives continuous physical, emotional and informational support during labor and birth; she may also provide postpartum care in the home."

My personal vision of what I want to do is be there as a friend and helper to the mother and the father if he is wanting that inclusion, to assist and comfort, listen and support, ect. I want to offer my photography throughout the pregnancy as well, so many people miss the opportunity to capture that time and then later down the road have no photo memories to show their kids or just reminisce over. I also plan to continue into the postpartum stages and would like to dive deep into training regarding postpartum depression as I had a very trying year after Masyn's birth and would have benefitted from having that support.

Truly I'm excited, as I began the training it just felt so right and like a perfect fit. I have so many ideas forming and little plans I want to get going, but I have to take it one step at a time. It feels so good to be so passionate about the direction I am going and the steps I am taking, I needed this jolt and this ah-ha moment. As I continue on through this and can develop a clear plan and what exactly I will be looking to make from all this, I will post and update. All of the text and messages from those that I told personally have been such great confirmation, thank you for that!! I look forward to hearing any ideas you guys have or feedback, stories, anything you want to share!

Images from previous maternity and infant shoots in the Austin area.
Visit my website to see more.

{ competition + perks } ~ austin area photographer

2011-03-01T16:29:00.001-06:00

I haven't held a "giveaway" on here in quite a long time. This morning on my drive to work my creativity must have been turned up because I had a great idea...

I'm going to host a contest. Any Austin area photographers looking to build their portfolio?... send them my way! I want a photographer to take my photo and maybe my girls if it works out for both of us. In return, I will give a $125.00 sitting to the winning photographer, and I will allow it to be used as a gift or for their own portrait by yours truly. Prints will be optional, but for a reduced rate.

If you want to enter, email me your favorite portraits that you have taken recently or in the past couple years. Tell me a little about yourself and let me see your personality, as that is VERY important to my comfort level in working with you. Feel free also to nominate someone or pass along the link to this blog to anyone in the Austin area you think might be interested.

Here are some of my past photos that I thought I'd share...been a while since most have these have made a showing on here.

I am thrilled about this and cannot wait to see all the submissions and talent!

{ jostling security } ~ austin area photographer

2011-02-26T17:13:00.000-06:00

There may be a inclination toward bravery that begins in the womb, but we all reach a higher degree of this trait by choice.

There is something rewarding in knowing that I am okay with putting myself and my fears on the line. A rush I can only assume is adrenaline comes over me when I reach outside my zone of safety and forfeit the nets of "acceptability" to teach myself courage. I am posting a picture now that is the second hardest for me to share. Once before, I shared a picture of my back before surgery, that was definitely the hardest. However, I admit this one follows closely behind, as I am sadly a very self critical being. In attempts to overcome my qualms about my body as viewed by others, I offer up my self esteem by way of photograph.

So no covering my lumps and bumps or erasing my stretch marks, it's just the way I look and I want to love it as much as I love what I have inside. In order to do that, I have to be confident I am treating myself right and working hard, that's the only way I can be proud. With the acquisition of my new job came new habits. In order for me to drop my girls at school, shower, and be at work on time...I have to get up and head to the gym at 5:30 am. I do that 5 days a week and on the weekends I try to make it to yoga or run on my treadmill. Sometimes I feel discouraged, because I think after all that work I should be more fit. My silly thyroid is a pain and my back being fused is a hindrance, but when I stop and think about it, I feel pretty good inside about not letting those things deter me. I'm not crazy about my figure, but I think the more I attain happiness on my inside, the more I am driven to love the outside of me as well.

{ in my world } ~ austin area photographer

2011-02-18T19:56:00.000-06:00

Somebody told me not long ago "we are in very different places in life." I found it ironic that this person actually knows very little about my life at all. I've been melancholy and even beastly on a couple of occasions the last couple of weeks, partly due to withdrawal from Facebook, also from pressures of learning a new job and changing my whole sleep pattern (which is getting better and better!). The little "down" phase though, I believe relates to this comment which has continued to bother me a bit. While meditating and really trying to look within to search out the cause for any such sadness, my conclusion is that I feel like very few people in my life truly know me, so I feel a bit lonely.

My life is intimidating, I get that. So from afar I am going to give you a glimpse of the world I live in, and a peek at my idiosyncrasies.

In my world, it must always smell good. The photo above is of my dresser where I have a stash of perfume, fragrance is an addiction to me. I actually become obsessed with perfumes that smell good and it has given me quite a collection of scents to choose from each day, that being said I pretty much exclusively where Gucci Guilty right now.

When I exit the shower I preform lotion rituals. I have certain lotions for different areas of my body. So my legs and arms I like skin firming, and my back, shoulders, and chest I like to use hemp lotion. I have another lotion for my legs and arms that is scented, but I never use it straight from the tub, only after I have dressed as a "re-apply."

Every weekday morning that I am able, I go work out at the gym at 5:30 a.m. Yes, sometimes I oversleep. I have become infatuated with this new app on my phone that tracks my sleep cycle and wakes me up when I am in the middle of a light sleep cycle so that it's easier to drag myself from bed. Even when lots of working out, I feel my age creeping in and I am definitely having to work harder and eat less to try and fit into my clothes. This bothers me. I love to run, but I'm not that good at it. I adore yoga, it's a challenge with my back, but it makes me feel amazing. I have been working on headstands and can now do them with wall assistance quite well!

It seems like every post is about my girls, but I believe it can go without saying too much in this post that they are my everything. My parenting style is laid back but I try to teach my girls respect for all, manners, kindness, caring, how to be ladies, and how to let loose and have fun. I wish that more people could experience life around my 3 girls, they truly are the coolest kids I've ever met (yes, I'm biased but seriously they are a riot).

Tasks and chores bore me out of my mind. I'm trying to challenge myself and get better so I can be a big girl and live a responsible life with order, but I hate everything about paying bills, making calls, changing services, blah blah blah... oddly though, I'm super good at all that. I'd rather just take pictures.

Shopping eases my sorrows. I think that's part of my moodiness lately too, I am poor and haven't shopped for myself in a LOOOONG time. I know it's shallow, but I am okay admitting to that, I have some really deep areas in my life, but I have some that are completely materialistic, I see that as balance. If I ever resort to having a sugar daddy, then I think my shopping will have overtaken me. I actually put together look books for fun in preparation for when I finally do get to shop. Fashion will always hold a place in my heart.

I can sew, and actually I can sew really well. For those of you who don't know, I used to make custom clothing for children. I take pictures. Before moving to Austin I had a photography business that was really taking off. I love to write. I put myself in college when I was 25 and my English professor said she wanted a copy of my first book after she read my rough draft of my first paper, her words still inspire me. I'm handy. When I want to do something, I just figure it out and do it. I like to have polish on my nails. Since I'm not in the bar that much anymore (just some weekends I work to make ends meet), I paint my nails at least twice a week, just something that makes me smile. I appreciate a wide range of music, art, movies, books, and basically...everything. I want to try everything and I find something I like almost everywhere.

Maybe I'm scary, maybe I seem like my whole life is set and planned, but it's so wide open and I don't want restrictions or rules on it, I just want to feel it all and live it big.

{ snow de facto } ~ austin area photographer

2011-02-06T15:39:00.000-06:00

Nothing to ready really... just sharing a bunch of pictures from our snow day in Austin, TX.

{ ingenuously white trash } ~ austin area photographer

2011-02-05T00:23:00.001-06:00

The new job has allowed me a pretty set and normal schedule, so finally I have weekends on a regular basis to spend with my girls. A couple weeks ago I declared it to be hair cut day. I had no idea how backwoods I was being by suggesting this, after all, I have cut the girl's hair in the past. The difference this time was my intent on noticing details lately and really paying close attention to the seemingly insignificant. So it was on this particular Saturday that I realized I am distinctly white trash at times (with a dash of hippie).

I set up a little make shift salon in the kitchen, which consisted of a sheet on the floor (Ralph Lauren sheet which makes it that much more of an oxy moron just like me), a vintage chair with a footstool on top, and a potato towel for a drape. So there I stood barefoot, skirt tucked in the top because it's super long and I had to get it out of the way, then I tucked my scissors into the waistband and went to work (just after snapping a self portrait to remind myself of this day).

We had a ball, truly. There was laughter, giggles, jokes, and fun. I really couldn't have designed a better day and it all happened just by being present. I have let so many days slip by un-adored. I know it will happen again because I'm human, however my aim is to savor time, live a little more on the edge, keep myself open, and be childlike with my girls.

Last night while talking to a very dear friend, I shared something that has been washing over me lately and kind of become one of those revelations that changes my perspective of something I've been semi aware of into a greater understanding and appreciation. The thought is this: I want my girls to know their mom. I can't say that I truly know my own mother. When I say know, I mean deeply understand her nature, her likes, her style, her nurturing, ect. In order for any child to really grasp the depth of who their parents are as individuals and not just parents, the mother and father must each know who they are. What I'm saying is, if I had just me in this world...who am I? That's the person I want my girls to know because I want them to grow up to do the same, to be who they are and live in a healthy state of independence. As I have been reading another book (because I like to read more than one at a time, I'm weird that way), a book about mental health and the things we have to learn to heal from our pasts, I'm challenged by the stories in it and want to give my girls a well balanced example. I know that my life and the choices I have made already will affect them and often that scares me, but honesty and love are powerful and I believe I have some pretty darn fantastic girls even as young as they are I am so proud of who they are.

Being just a little silly is certainly something I enjoy, okay maybe I'm a lot silly. Life is way too short to be rigid and have no fun. Playing hair dresser and squirting water in my kids face to make them laugh are just part of my job s their mom, every job has it's perks you know...some just have more than others. ;) It will take somebody pretty incredible to ever be brought into our circle here, I sometimes don't think it's going to happen. Going back to the place of knowing myself, I do know that's what I want, I want to share this crazy and beautiful life one day with someone with a strong and positive nature.

That's all the heavy stuff for tonight. Day one of my stepping away from Facebook has gone well. I took the app off my phone and sent personal emails for birthdays instead of using a wall post. I also took more pictures today than I have in a while, actually grabbed my Beast when I left for the gym at 6 am and drove an hour to my gym 15 minutes away... SNOW day in Austin, crazy! You will see those pictures soon enough. Goodnight sweet readers and I hope you will add my link to your faves or something so we do not lose touch now that I will not be posting these links on Facebook much longer....

{ evaluation + direction } ~ austin area photographer

2011-02-03T22:28:00.002-06:00

For I while I have considered stepping back from Facebook. Not to try and make any point or be an elitist. I just feel like it's a shallow part of my days that I could do without. There are aspects I really like, and that has been my cause for hesitation. Tonight I was telling a friend that I might just abstain and exercise some self control and time management, but I'm actually pretty good about staying off my phone and computer when I have priorities that need attention. On my drive home from this gathering at my new job, I was thinking about a book I'm reading about meditation and focus and living in the present. I realized that I have my mind going in way too many directions. I've been longing to write more on here and share more photography, but you know what, Facebook gets all the love, I post way more on there. So what would happen if I used my blog as my main social media? I began to let that idea roll around and it resounded inside me positively. This is what I plan to do. I will begin to make some edits in my life that will focus me on my writing, more on my photography, and truly living each moment more aware of my own life.

I'm smattering this post with old photos because this is something I want to return to, I want to capture more day to day memories like I used to when I stayed at home. Yes, it was much easier then, but I have no real excuse now except that I have gotten out of the habit. However, if I make it my goal to share more real photos here and not just "mobile uploads" then perhaps I will once again get into a routine of having my camera handy and snapping away and uploading from my Beast camera on a regular basis. This, I think, is a good plan.

In addition to this being about time, this parting ways with Facebook is also about relationships. I have some amazing friends that I communicate regularly with on Facebook, however, I am still available other ways, so we will not lose touch. In all honesty, I just don't need the quasi friendship that some people seem to want to maintain via Facebook. I love face to face and hearing laughter versus LOL. My heart feels good when I get to tell someone in person how much I "Like" their joke. If not in person, what if I got back to my old habit of sending cards...like real mail! It feels so good to get genuine mail in the mailbox. Also text messages make me happy. So really and truly, I just feel like Facebook steals from all the ways that truly build a relationship and strengthen bonds. It's hard to beat a phone chat with a long distance friend, so why would we need Facebook to stay in touch?

I don't take Facebook seriously, so why has it taken me this long to let go? Because it's fun and I like sharing and the connections, but it's time for me to focus on making better connections and spending more of the time I have on my computer doing what actually brings me the most joy. I don't hate Facebook and I don't think quitting is something everyone should do. It's just time for me. I hope this doesn't seem high and mighty, I'm not coming from that position at all, I don't think Facebook is a time waster, I think some people choose to waste their time on Facebook. For me, I don't have a lot of extra time and I feel like this blog is where I want to spend more time. I also don't have Angry Birds on my iPhone for that same reason. Believe me, I'll probably have some twinges of sadness when I delete my account on there, hopefully it will be overcome with excitement as I get back to devoting time on here and challenging myself to new and fun adventures in my talents and desires.

My plan is to link this post on Facebook and give a few days of notice so that anyone who might not have my email or this blog link can have a chance to see my move. I always love feedback, so that will give a few days for you guys to try and sway me. ;)

A few more pictures before I sign off for the night. It's been a LONG day and it's really not my favorite because it's super cold here in Austin, TX and I am a huge baby when it comes to being cold. I seriously am just miserable and would love to be a bear and hibernate. Just stay home in my Snuggie with Anna Karenina and a cup of apple cider steaming beside me, yes that sure beats my reality of waking up to 18* temperatures and NO electricity. Boo. No more whining, I'm beat and I just love you for reading this far! You friends, are amazing and I thank you each for always allowing me to share on here and the encouragement you always bring to my life. Thank you and good night!

{ enraptured by kors } ~ austin area photographer

2011-02-01T21:41:00.000-06:00

Do yourself a favor... click this link.

For many years now I have had one favorite designer and a lot of runner's up. He can never be overtaken in the running though, because I feel like he designs his clothes with my dreams in mind. His style is my style. We share a heart. I love you Michael Kors. This first picture is absolutely killing me, I WANT to wear that outfit, I see myself in it. Ugh, it's painful that I don't own it. Like a lot of things in my life, I have to keep these as dreams. Today I was sad about that. Today made me feel like taking pictures and writing...and of course going back to my roots and love of fashion. God I miss fashion.

Sometimes I become discouraged with how tunneled my life is. How no matter what I dream or what I believe I can do, reality reminds me that there are limits. My heart believes so much more than my reality. I have hopes and pipe dreams that belong to children, not women almost in their 30's. Am I nuts? Hasn't my life proved to me time and again that I can't have things just because I want them? I have such a thick head, this idea does not sink in with me, I just keep on hoping and wanting. I want to walk the streets of NYC in all white like the picture below. I can imagine how it will feel with a gauze skirt brushing my legs and sun warming my hair and making me squint ever so slightly behind my gorgeous aviator glasses (the one thing I do have MK). I will be walking to the park to sit and work on a piece for the magazine that will be my employer. It's really vivid to me. Certain days I almost believe it won't happen and I get disappointed, but then I open to the idea that maybe it just won't happen exactly one way, perhaps I should open myself to more avenues of writing, photography, and fashion. I continue to do this and I will because it brings me joy...but I do know that my fantasies are strong for a reason, there is truth in them somewhere and I will keep my fingers crossed and dreams alive.

I apologize because this seems vague in areas. Some things I can't really explain all the way because they aren't fully developed inside me. I want to write, I want to take pictures, and I want to share them with more than my 7 blog readers (although dears, I truly love you guys). Since Sunday I have felt slightly empty, I have a hole where my writing and pictures should be. Have you ever felt like pieces of your heart were being held away from you? That's how I feel in a few places in my life right now. It makes me feel alone as well, because I don't think anyone else around me knows what it's like to live in my shoes, yet many seem to have opinions about my life.

So feeling blue I turned to my main man...and Michael, your Spring line did not let me down, on the contrary! I am completely in love with so many pieces and the outfitting and clean lines. Heaven. I'm about to lay my head on my pillow for a good night of sleep, and I can't wait for dreams to fill my head and pour into my heart about all the things I want to do and all the beautiful things that are in my life and still to come. Michael Kors, you change my world.

I might even have to get out the sewing machine and see if I still have anything in me...because I want that green skirt more than I can say, but I don't see $1200.00 in my future for spending money. :)

{ sisters pine } ~ austin area child photographer

2011-01-20T22:46:00.001-06:00

I miss my sisters. I have four. All are missed, some missed more, some missed uniquely, still all are missed. Because of how much I long for the relationship and time with my sisters that I once had, the recent friction between Evelyn and Masyn ways heavy on me.

The once inseparable duo has now become s disgruntled chase for affection. Poor Evy, she adores her big sisters, but Masyn was her pal and partner in crime and suddenly it seems as though 1st grade has tainted that. Masyn feels too old for her baby sister and it seriously is breaking my heart. I know it's a phase, but I suppose I just want them to cherish each moment and I'm acutely aware of how much it can hurt to be estranged from that person who is your closest friend from birth.

I recall how Avery reacted when Masyn was born, she didn't lash out, but she never latched on. Masyn and Avery have actually become closer as of late which is awesome, and it also gives me hope that Masyn is just in that age where she is surrounded by new thoughts and ideas and maybe her little sis seems to complicate it right now. I just keep reminding her what my mom used to say to my sisters and me..."your sisters will be the best friends you ever have."

In her secret place of secrets inside...I think Masyn still loves that Evy looks up to her so much and just yearns to play and be around her. I can see a faint sparkle and I know that somewhere in there she loves the attention. Please time, bring back the days when they cried without each other and stayed up giggling together in their room until they both passed out asleep. I don't want them to miss a single minute of the love and laughter that they can share as sisters. I sure wish I could snatch back a few of my own.

{ reverie abashed and un } ~ austin area photographer

2011-01-16T23:58:00.002-06:00

Not to beat a dead pony here, but once again I find myself contemplating the cycle of 2010. Since I have recapped that previously, I began to look at my older photos, from 2009 and 2008 (I wish I could go back more, most of those older photos were lost in a tragic computer crash). The following images have nothing to do with what I have been wanting to blog about...but I decided that as with most things, I can somehow find a link and I will...maybe by the end of this post I will be able to tie it together, for now I'm just going to let my thoughts over pour and run onto the keyboard.

{ Masyn's lovely little braid stirs my heart ~ 2008, she was 4 }

Inspired by a couple of customers this week, I am really diving into my writing. It's been my belief that if I shared too many details on here, someone would definitely find it and write my book before I could. That is absurd, since it's not terribly interesting, but it's mine and I do plan to write it so I guess it's a natural and irrational fear. I'm going to let things spill on here, that I have possibly not shared with anyone, or very few. Not that I have shocking and intriguing skeletons in my closet, but I have memories surfacing lately that I feel like some people might relate to, and those who can relate to me are a small group (I speak mostly because of my unique upbringing).

{ 2008 ~ again my little Masyn at age 4. The sunshine is like her presence in a room, it burns and illuminates everything brilliantly }

My parents made a decision long before I was even born, a choice that would make me an immediate outsider to others my age. Until the age of 25, I never attended a school. My family believed for many reasons that homeschooling was the best route. Although I felt like an outcast from kids my own age, I honestly felt like there was no place that I truly fit. Many of my memories of what should have been "normal" kid activities are from a spectators view, I watched others play T-Ball and cheer on the sidelines for the hometown football team. It was difficult to have those things just out of reach my whole childhood. The heart behind my mother and father's educational decision was to protect me, but I felt crippled. Eventually I reached a point where I was scared to go to school, it seemed kids who went to school must have been smarter than I was. These and other things I have been recalling stayed with me so long and I never realized how they created a filter in my mind. I'm proud of myself for letting go of that scared girl and stepping into my grown up self. The wiring in me is unlike anyone else in my family, it deepens my belief that we are all born unique and persuasion to be a certain way only goes as far as our own strength allows us to tolerate being dictated.

{ Evelyn Blair + Masyn Elise ~ 2008 my two littles when they were inseparable (they still sort of are, but Masyn doesn't like to admit it) }

As forewarned, I'm jumping to a totally unrelated subject. It's still in my past so that connects it (sort of).

A couple of days ago I went to see "Blue Valentine" without expectations except that of seeing a good movies with actors I enjoy. My heart was wrenched, my stomach in knots the whole time. Honestly I rave because it evoked such real and dramatic emotions in me that I forgot I was watching a movie and felt I was being forced take part in a real and painful marriage. As odd as it sounds, watching the movie hardly made me think of my own divorce, rather it made me remember someone in my life who held me in a vicious repetition of happiness and heartache. Maybe it's all I have been reading lately and studying about mental illness and relationships. It just seemed so clear as that movie played out, that one character had a huge capacity for love and felt things deeply, but that meant all feelings...love, jealousy, fear, pride, ect. While watching I became filled with gratitude, for so many reasons I am thankful that my situation was so much less extreme and I can only relate to it, I will never have to live through that. This giant part of me wanted to leap into the screen and hold them both and say that it would all be alright, I wanted to assuage their suffering.

Here is where I tie in my photos....

No matter what has occurred in my life, these three girls remain the first and foremost beautiful and important piece of me. They are the reason for me to overcome, to dream, to love, they are my all. How motivating to make my life count, when times speeds by so quickly and they grow and change and find their way. I want to open up my life, for their lives to be open.

{ Christmas 2008 ~ my three loves }

My most sincere apologies for the lack of structure and meaningful fluidity of this post and those that may follow. I'm experimenting with free writing and challenging myself to not hold back or over rationalize what or how I post, at least until I am writing much more often (or until I stop having visitors and my page loads deplete). Feedback is always welcome and often appreciated (sometimes it takes a moment for the appreciation to set it).

My parting encouragement to you all is to let yourself rest, fall into reverie and see what all comes about.

{ flying on my fancy } ~ austin area photographer

2011-01-14T14:11:00.000-06:00

I've been wanting to get another tattoo for quite a while now. My last one is almost 2 years old, so I have been a very patient girl. Wednesday I woke up ready and set to get my fourth. As soon as I was out of work, I drove straight to the shop (I had already scheduled the appointment) and we began working on the sketch. The artist was awesome, he drew each bird to be a unique design for me, no tracing or using pictures online, they are exclusive to my shoulder. Truly, I am so pleased and love my new ink. Although, I admit, it's very hard to photograph one's own shoulder...maybe time to get that remote I am always thinking about buying. :)

In other happenings, this will be my last full weekend bartending. I have accepted a job in a new dental clinic and I am so excited. The girls are looking forward to normality and I have to say, I think my health will improve with better sleep habits and a better eating regime. I am so grateful for my fun stint in the service industry and I will continue to pick up some shifts to help make my financial ends meet, however the change coming in my life is welcome. So Monday I begin life back in the "real" work world. Wish me luck please and if you live in Austin...let me recommend an amazing new dental clinic! ;)

{ discussing resolution } ~ austin area photographer

2011-01-07T16:02:00.000-06:00

Everywhere I go it seems I encounter the inevitable talk of New Year's resolution. My gym is more crowded, people are reading labels in the grocery store, the bars are slower, change is in the air. I thrive. This time of year (minus the cold weather and allergies) is fantastic. Even though it's just the same idea as a new day and new dawn, it means more to people. It signifies such a fresh beginning, a chance to assess and realign life.

As I say all that, I knew before the new year my direction for 2011 was setting into my heart. I want this year to be a deepening of awareness, a year when I get in touch with dreams and take more steps toward them, and open up the closed areas of my life. Many things will go into this process. I know that I must continue to make my health a focus, I'm getting older and I need to keep striving for the most active lifestyle and not let myself be lazy too often. Also I want to make reading a priority again, my mind needs even more exercise than my physical body and it's my firm belief that the two inspire and motivate each other. I will stop selling myself short and settling for a half lived life. I recognize limitations such as finance and time, but I also realize that I fail to unlock all that is in front of me.

Seriously, I can't wait to live twenty-eleven, I know it's going to be a great year. Blessings to you all, I hope you have a high aim and sunshiny outlook!!

{ unspoken not unwritten } ~ austin area photographer

2010-12-30T13:27:00.001-06:00

Warning, this is a heavy post. There are some deep and personal things I have been sorting out lately and I feel that my best writing comes when I share the hardest and scariest things. In an effort to challenge myself as a writer, I am sharing the inside, the raw, the tumultuous emotions I have been wading through. On the bright side of this, a light at the end of a weighty post...is that maybe you will celebrate with me in having admitted and dealt with some things I've long been confused and afraid of.

I have always been a little nervous that I wasn't a good enough mother. Fact. I knew I was doing my best, but I felt like it was never going to be close to what my girls need and deserve. I frequently worried about this and still do at times. I would try to remind myself that it's all about love and that I have overflowing for my girls, but still this fear didn't ease.

A book I have been reading has helped me recount many things in my past and realize the conditioning and message I have had in my life about that I chose to believe. Somewhere along the line I believed a lie, I accepted the lie that I was not good enough. From that point on even when people weren't saying that, I perceived that. I know it happened long, long ago, and some people may read this and be offended, however I am placing no blame. Life happens and people make mistakes, it's all about how we recover from those.

I didn't recover for a long time, in fact I went through very painful phases where I allowed that fear to literally run my life. For a short period of time I stopped eating almost entirely, I refused any and all help. One day I noticed that even my eyes seemed lifeless and I sought help. From there the fear took over other areas of my life. My whole marriage was spent trying to be the wife I was "supposed" to be and I never felt good enough. I felt like my old church wanted me to be different than who I really was, wear different clothes and use different words. Insert confession: sometimes I swear, not that much, but sometimes....love me anyway, or don't. All the things I tried to change for others only made me hollow and loath myself more. That is where life began to blur and needed clarity.

Somewhere inside I found that I was stronger than I had known, that I knew things about myself that I had pushed down, and that being honest and real is the only way to live free and at peace. Lies I had believed gripped my life and held me back from truly loving everything, because all my time was spent worrying. At 16 in a small town I was once the pregnant outcast, I guess that prepared me for what I would go through these last couple years as an adult losing the love and comfort of close friends and family because of divorce. Being the one to stand alone to do what I know I must do is part of why I am here and why I am okay to be an individual. On the path of conforming to everyone else's ideas of who I should be, I was headed in a very scary direction, one that can cause serious illnesses and even fatality to a soul. Though I still have times when I worry if I can ever be worthy of my role as "mama," I know that something from my heart is in each of my girls and with love, guidance, and support, they will grow their own way with grace and strength.

Story: For Christmas I received an envelope in my stocking, it was from Avery and Masyn and they had filled it with sheets of paper. Each paper was a hand written certificate, one for being "World's Funniest Mama," another read "World's Nicest Mama," and more. The last few pages were poignant and broke my heart beautifully... written out in pencil they read "YOU ARE AN AWESOME PERSON. WE WOULD DIE IF EVER YOU YOURSELF THOUGHT DIFFERENTLY. SO STOP WORRYING, YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. LOVE AVERY AND MASYN.
Humbled. Grateful. Accepting. Motivated. Captivated. Inspired. Challenged. Loved. Proud. All things I feel when I read those pages and see my sweet girls. I will daily, try to build them up and encourage them on their own journey. A favorite quote of mine will end this post, thank you if you have read this far. ;)
"The greatest gift you can give your children is roots of responsibility, with wings of independence." - Denis Waitley

{ our wonderland } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-12-25T00:37:00.001-06:00

Our Christmas...

This year I didn't have to work retail hours, something to celebrate! Also it afforded me a full day and evening with my girls to enjoy our Christmas traditions.

We started with a game of charades, hot chocolate, and then a movie/rest. I cooked eggs and bacon for the big girls, but Evelyn wanted oatmeal (she's so like her mama). She was anxious for them to finish so we could get in our jammies and drive around looking at lights while we played Christmas music and sing along and get excited over the really good decorations.

Once home, we dove into gift opening and they were all super happy this year. Honorable mention goes to Masyn, who asked for a laptop and printer, and received a printer, with which she was THRILLED. It was amazing.

Stocking were last, lots of yummy candy and some fun goods. Highlight from that was Evelyn in her giant sunglasses! I love this top picture of her in her glamorous frames. I will leave you with the pictures from our night of love, fun, and utter silliness. As I sit here I am all smiles, these truly are the best days I've lived, full heart.

{ sometime by serendipity } ~ austin area photographer

2010-12-23T02:29:00.000-06:00

Today was a great day. Several things made it great. I started the morning with all 3 of my girls in my room, 2 in bed with me soon joined by the 3rd. I went to the gym and felt productive there. We had a few hours of time together before I had to work which was a treat (usually there is school pressing). I even had a nugget of time to read. There are lots of things that happened today that made it feel so tangibly good. My life is filled with all the right people at all the right times, even though I have days where I feel like such an island...days like today remind me that I'm not here alone.

I recently visited my hair stylist for a little change in my color...hence the picture below (it's the "after" shot). As she was working on my hair we made this amazing connection in our lives and learned that we have much more in common than we ever knew. It really was exciting to learn about this and to share some of our stories together. She recommended a book to me and I am engrossed in it every chance I get, but it's one of those books I am thinking about all the time. A book that somehow means more than just something on a page. There are a few books I have had this same reaction to and I have re-read them a few times because of all that comes out new each time. I have a feeling I will be reading this book again down the road. As I have turned the pages and taken in the words, it's been prompting memories and opening things I had long dismissed. Also it has made me very aware of my present, which I am a big fan of awareness and always trying to become more open and more aware.

This discovery of our likeness came to me just when I needed it most. Truly I am amazed at the beauty and timing of such blessings in life. A couple of weeks ago I felt a little lethargic and lonely, I was having what a friend called my "winter of discontent." He was so right, but it was short lived because today I smiled at the sky and laughed out loud because I was so happy about walking on a sidewalk covered in orange leaves and the sound they made swooshing under and around my boots. My heart swelled earlier today when Evelyn laid upside down on the rocking chair and found it fun just to rock with her head hanging down pretending the ceiling could move. Yep, I get down and I get moody, I pout and I even feel sorry for myself, but life comes around and smacks me with something to smile about and I forgive myself for my pity party and move on. Why, oh why has it taken me so many years to appreciate everything and why do I ever let stupid things get me down?! I wish I could bottle today and wear it as a necklace always.... I feel a new tattoo coming on.

{ 1003 words } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-12-21T18:11:00.000-06:00

I love them.

{ holiday memorandum } ~ austin area photographer

2010-12-17T17:57:00.002-06:00

A few local radio shows have been reading their Christmas Letters on air lately and I felt compelled to write my own after listening to others recount their year of 2010. It was a big year of change and personal growth for me and I'd like to document it somehow, as I intend to do with more things in life and eventually compile a few books (so I am always saying....).

Friends, family, complete strangers, all of you readers mean a great deal to me and I share this letter with you because I hope that through my year you will find something to connect to, be encouraged by, feel moved, perhaps even inspired...a girl can hope.

2010 was a year that began with a heartbreak, my own. Though few knew, I rang in the new year with a giant crush that kind of crushed me. It was like the drama of high school that I never had. One I am grateful to say I moved beyond and learned a valuable lesson(s) from. Beginning the year in that manner inspired me to go on a cleanse and really meditate to achieve direction and purpose myself toward my goals. I am so thankful for the kick off of 2010, because it launched me into a year of exploration.

The first few months of this year were some of the best times in my life. In February I learned my heart could love and trust again, and my feet were swept right out from under me. At the same time I was falling in love, I was also making a connection with someone who would become one of the most important people in my life, the best friend I never thought I would find in Austin. Sunny, I love you and without you by my side this year would have been absolute misery. You really are a sunshine in my world! Your friendship carried me through the hurt and confusion of my relationship ending after such a brief but amazing time, thank you for the comic relief and voice of reason you were when I was all a muddle of emotion. Miss me while you are in Tahoe.

Spring brought changes in my job and what I thought was a big workload literally doubled and those few months and my summer were a blur of pure retail monotony. I was very excited about where I thought things were going, but that was a surprise I wasn't ready for and at the end of summer I was faced with searching for a new direction in my career path. The timing seemed to be right and I still believe it was, for all things happen when they are supposed to and reaction is key to a positive outcome. When I realized I was jobless and all the promising leads fell through, I formed a plan, carried it out with determination, and avoided eviction. I became a bartender and that has been my fall.

Through all this I took much criticism and have felt abandoned by some who once promised they would always be there for me, yet I learned my own strength, my drive to be a good mother and provide as much as I can, I learned to never give in and never stop believing in my dreams. Finding encouragement in books, friends, and even trials, I've changed for the better this year. I am more realistic, have thicker skin, I'm not afraid to be me, and not afraid to stand up. My dreams are more alive, I have a greater passion for life, my heart is more open, and I want to explore everything unknown. There are days when I feel like such a goof ball for the things I am curious about, but I see life as this adventure that I get to embark on and I want to squeeze every ounce of good from it. I want to be a lush for the circadian beauties that surround me.

Which brings me to my three biggest blessings in life, my girls.

Though my job as a bartender has it's drawbacks, it also has it's extreme perks. One thing I love is that I now have at least 2 full days a week with my girls and NO take-home-work that I have to get done on my days off. I just get to enjoy my girls. We have been to a few movies, gone hiking, taken pictures, gone out for treats, played dress up, had dance parties, found our favorite YouTube videos and quoted them into the ground...and more. These girls are the most incredible kids I've ever met and that's totally with my Mama-bias aside, they really are amazing. My girls are all caring and affectionate, fun and imaginative, witty and humorous. I consider myself a lucky person just to know them, and I am awed that I am their mother. They are my reason for everything.

Avery is in 6th grade and loving middle school. She is open and honest, we talk about awkward, funny, sensitive, and even gross things, we have trust. She is a creative girl with an interest in the world of drama. Hopefully she will grow out of her desire to live among piles of clothes and general squalor, I think I was once known for such messiness so there is a ray of light.

Masyn is in 1st grade, a gold star student. Continually she amazes me with her deep concentration and ambition to do well. She has been making new friends this year and each one she sees almost as a sister. I can't explain her warm nature because she wants to wear shorts and flip flops all year, but I do know where she gets that desire.

Evelyn is in Pre-School and she is learning letters and can write her full name! Evelyn has mastered the Voice Memo app on my iPhone and left me some brilliant gems that I treasure and listen to at least once week. The making up songs and snuggling are like reliving my own early years, I hope she always has this much affection in her life. I also hope there is someone out there who will understand her need for a comfy bed, lots of perfume, and extreme amounts of snuggling....because I know those people are hard to find.

As the last couple weeks of this year come into being, I'm forming my resolve and setting my gaze toward the year ahead and how I what grab hold of this life and drive it full speed.

{ must + must not + ect } ~ austin area photographer

2010-12-09T14:24:00.000-06:00

I was so lucky to have some visitors from Canada last week enlist me as their "Austin Tour Guide." A role I am highly un-qualified for but took on with zeal. One place they asked to make a stop at was Zilker Park Botanical Garden, so the following images were taken there (by me). They all capture my darkly romantic side, and there are over 100 more in the file on my computer but I am about to zip off to the bar (for work, I do not get a happy hour tonight) so I am just sharing a few. I feel like these fit my mood this week and express some things I have been considering confessing to you all.

I have a list. Shocking, I know. Okay really though, for affinity for lists can be beneficial I promise. This week I have been finding myself adding to my "Must + Must Not" list. It is my requirements and deal breakers (and a few wants and "I hope nots") in regards to future men I allow myself to spend time with.

Must (be/have):

Honesty, confidence, smell amazing, conversational, present, affectionate, passionate, funny, open, communicative, real, strong, timely aggressive, tattoo(s), mature, silly, stylish, ability to wow me, soothing, witty, allow me to wear heels, honor in his word, miss me when I am away.... and I add more all the time please feel free to make suggestions.

Must Not (be/have):

Dishonest, secretive, shady, aloof, arrogant, smell bad, ignore me, be my inferior, shy, unwilling to snuggle, lack sense of humor, wear bedazzled anything, belittle my dreams, lazy, lack ambition, neglect me...

As I said, fire away new additions to my list, make your own list, it's very enlightening and makes sizing up potentials much easier when you know what you need and what you want. Of course some things I might sway on, like tattoos...but some things can fly under the radar and then it's too late to remember "oh yeah, I wasn't going to settle for someone who..... again." This is my list to remind me, I have standards.

{ to live life ethereal } ~ austin area photographer

2010-12-06T11:23:00.000-06:00

Get ready for a lengthy and obscure post. The tide of my mind has churned much in it's swell and this session of writing comes long overdue....

Recently I have found myself many times explaining my beliefs, my "guidelines on life" you could say. My upbringing is easiest to communicate to others, I was raised Christian, with a strong religious base from my parents (they grew up Presbyterian). I am so grateful for my history, for the values I was brought up with, please don't read any bashing in this, I am very much a support of people living and following whatever religion or belief fits their soul. Inside of me, there were loads of unanswered questions and too many contradictions within my life and some around me. I just felt out of place. When my marriage troubles were beginning to overwhelm my life I ran to my church and those there. As things progressed in the wrong direction, I knew that I had to seek truth, truth of what I felt and what I was living with. As I went through this, I learned so much about myself and about those who had been close to me. Moving away was another giant step in getting to know who Amelia really is. Only a few stayed near me, much of what I had been promised from friends or my "church family" fell by the wayside when they didn't see me tri-weekly. Even returning home for a summer earned me only 2 visitors who came to say they were still concerned with my life and continuing our friendship. I learned so much that year.

Since that time, I pursued books and views, some I connected with and some not so much. Parts of books very much meant things to me and came alive in my heart, others I felt contradicted my core belief that there is a a God and He spins the Universe. I am a great believer that all things happen in life in accordance to a pull on our lives, we can move and flow with that pull and let the Universe work for us, or we can fight and try to control something we never really are big enough or wise enough to control...and ultimately we harm our own path. I believe trials come into life to provide a window to our own strength and to build faith inside us. It's all in how I respond to the difficulties that come my way. I have seen many times this prove itself true. The world is full of opportunities to give back and help others faith grow. Some call it karma, I call it putting positivity out there. I do this not so I can have something back, but because I believe what I put out, attracts more positivity and thus will eventually breed a happier and more beautiful world. Yes, when I share this people are eager to try and burst my happiness bubble, and yes, sometimes I get sad and negative, but then I remember that perception is reality to most and I can change my own world by how I see it. I can see everything as a problem and be overcome with worry, or I can see problems as a chance for a solution and blessing to touch my life and be filled with gratitude.

An old manager of mine loaned me a book that changed my life. I did not agree with 100% of the book, but I took 4 great principals into my heart as guidelines to try and live by. I struggle still, they sound simple but very much go against the nature of what I lived by before. In no certain order these beautiful life changing rules are: Be impeccable with my word- speak good not evil about others and myself: Never take things personally- others don't have the power to curse me so let things roll off: Never make assumptions- I cannot read minds and it's always best to be honest and just ask when I have a question, assumptions only hurt people and inhibit their life: Always do my best- and I can always be proud of what I have done. Those 4 things have become a part of who I am, I fail often, but I keep reminding myself that all life is a growing process.

Not to be mentioned last because of importance, because I believe it is super important...I believe in love. In many forms I believe that love is the thing we are all searching for in our lives. Some are searching for the love of a parent that they never felt, some might be hoping to find romantic love, for others the journey may be toward giving the love they feel is being built up to pour out on a child. We all need to give love and receive love. It drives life whether we are aware of it or not. As cliche as this sounds, we first have to know love on our own. Some will say "love yourself" I personally believe loving myself means seeing that I was created and placed here for a great reason and enjoy who I have been made and try to be pure and honest and respect my place here, to be grateful and happy with who I am. I feel that way very much, I love the life I have been given. All of the things in my life are so much more than I could ever hope for. Things that used to make me feel weird or out of place now make me feel immensely blessed.

There you have it, that is what makes me live each day with a big smile or puts the smile back on my face after a rough day...the awareness of all that I have been given and all that I can give back.

{ casual imputation } ~ austin area photographer

2010-11-17T11:10:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I had the thought "I think in status posts." Honestly, I find myself having funny thoughts and in my head they are like Twitter posts or Facebook status messages. It's a sickness. Also I have been tossing around the idea lately of closing my FB page and dropping the whole social networking scene. I can't commit to that because I hope one day it will help my photography business back off the ground and I want to stay in there. I just find it a giant waste of time that I can't break, plus, some people seem to just use it as a way to try and keep up with me rather than actually being engaged in real life and talking to me (and if it weren't family I'd just ignore that). So you see, I can't stop 100%, but I have decided to post more on here what crosses my wild mind to post as a status.

A little sample from yesterday's musings...

"I feel mean right now because I just saw a guy in a hat and thought "I wonder what bet HE lost?" Harsh eh?"

"Dear Santa, along with the Dyson vacuum I have requested for Christmas, I'd also like a bottle of Gucci Guilty, and could you please have that to me by Thanksgiving? THANKS! xo, Amelia"

"Because I can't walk in high heels, I will be practicing daily." --- and picture below is the proof!!

"Sincerity is a rare gem and a character must for people who want to be in my life with any significance."

"Today I look better without clothes."

"Channelling my inner Ali MacGraw, and it's pretty easy."

"These are the coolest kids I have ever met, thank God they are mine."

"All it takes in the world to make me happy... a journal, a book, and a hot drink." ---again picture proof.

Okay you guys get the idea. I really have a problem. I should carry around a little book and my camera and take pictures and write my thoughts, they could turn it into a scary documentary. No, as embarrassing as it is, I like the entertainment I can get just from my own personal musings. However, it's difficult for others to get why I am smiling or laughing at inappropriate moments, and yes, that happens kind of a lot.

I hope you all have a lovely Wednesday! You have made it half way through the week, good for you! I am patting myself on the back for living through Spin Class this morning and now I'm off to shower and work a double shift. I love life today, thanks for all the love you friends put in my life and for enduring my silly little babbles.

{ feverishly gratifying } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-11-15T13:49:00.001-06:00

Evelyn was sent home from school Wednesday with a fever. Of course no parent wants their child to be sick, however she and I both reaped a reward the following day...

Fever gone, Evelyn was feeling fine. School policy required her to stay home another full 24 hours fever free. So the two of us just got to spend a morning alone doing whatever we pleased. To start we had oatmeal, a morning must for me. Then it was time for some nail painting, Evy chose 5 colors, one for each finger/toe. Snuggling was included as well. Then she accompanied me to the gym, where she stayed in the kids area and I took a Pilates class and did some cardio. To quote my silly little miss priss "there were mostly boys in the playroom and they were ALL annoying." I let her know that most boys are. She said she will go back sometime, but it was kind of annoying.

After all that excitement we went for a milkshake per Evelyn's special request. :) I will remember always her cute little face all sucked in trying to get the shake up the straw, her eyes couldn't have looked any bigger or shone any more anticipation and glee.

I needed this day with Evy to remind me of the benefits to my current job situation. If I had a typical 9-5 job this day wouldn't have been possible. When I was in retail I could never have taken off to stay with a sick kiddo and she surely would never have been allowed to come with me. So even though my career path is a little off beat right now, I am so grateful for it. Whatever is going to happen, will happen, and right now I want to learn the lessons I am supposed to that prepare me for the next exciting chapter in my crazy life.

{ exposed + indulgent } ~ austin area photographer

2010-11-09T23:48:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time, I woke up and for some reason took my own picture. That was last week. Today I decided that I would share my first thing in the morning photo.

You see, I have this mirror that I found at a garage sale years ago, I purchased it for like $5.00 or something ridiculous, and it's my favorite. As are most of my treasured things, it's old and I just gave it a little elbow grease and love...and now it graces my wall and it's literally the second thing I see, first being my iPhone alarm clock. So the story behind this includes me being unadorned, but I love the framing of my favorite mirror, and seeing the work of my hand, and how it makes this image have a timeless quality, like it might have been taken many years ago.

I never really go anywhere except the gym without fixing up a little. Sometimes the workers at my local HEB have to see me as I've rolled out of bed, but it's rare. Taking my own picture is often challenging enough when I have taken the time to get ready, but I think I take more real pictures when it's a spur of the moment thing as the case for this photo. As you might imagine, I'm a little stretched by showing such a raw image of myself, but I like rising to my inner challenge and saying "who cares" to my fears.

It occurred to me today that I come to my blog and post to indulge in my thoughts and really let them run wild and express what swims around in my head. There is much more that I should come on here and share. This is me being honest and as the picture above, totally fresh and exposed. Is it scary to come read such idiopathic posts? Often I feel guilty because my writing is such a release for me and I wonder if it's a healthy habit or a sick cosseting of my mind.

{ credence + humanity } ~ austin area photographer

2010-11-08T13:49:00.002-06:00

By a certain age, or by the culmination of many events in life, individually we ascertain trust levels about everyone we meet. For some of us, we trust easily and are quick to believe everything we are told. Others take much longer and require people to prove that they are trustworthy. I fall into the first group (as you might have noticed) who readily trust. For me I believe that people are good and only do bad things. My heart and soul open up and I find it confusing when others refuse to believe me or accept my sincerity. This causes me much pain and as you can probably guess, many big disappointments.

One would assume that with time I would change and start being more of a skeptic (I have been lied to so much it's almost comical). I try, but inside I still feel the letdown because even if I pretend to have a big wall, it's really paper thin and my hopes are up that I can believe everything I am told. Even advertisements work on me, I can read the back of shampoo bottles for over an hour trying to decide which one REALLY will give me incredibly healthy hair that I will notice in one week. Gullible?...maybe. I just can't imagine going through life any other way. I'm being more careful to remember to treasure what I treasure and share with special few, but in the deepest, most special place in my heart, I know that I was created to give and to pour myself out without inhibition. One day that will be safe.

I thought about this because of conversation last night with my best friend and I have to thank her for always reminding me that I have to hold back at least a little. Sunny, without you'd I'd probably be heartbroken, nearly dead, and for sure I'd never know that rockstars don't smile. I love you a ton and appreciate when you teach me how to toughen up a little.

{ deceptively sinister } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-11-01T13:07:00.000-06:00

Because of working the busy Halloween weekend, I got to dress up the girls on Friday for their Monster Mash party at school. This year all three girls chose their costumes and it was fun to watch them have precise ideas about how they should look. We had such a fun time getting ready and made-up for the event.

Masyn and Evelyn decided on costumes that were a little more on the spooky side, or in Masyn's own words "only a little bit evil."

Avery didn't want to dress up on Friday, she preferred to save her piece 'de resistance of a costumer for Sunday night trick-or-treating. She was Alice, from Alice in Wonderland. She looked stunning and far too grown up for my pleasing. Sometimes I am shocked back to reality that she is 12 and quite the little beauty.

These pictures just show my girls at their truest, silly colors... always playing and having some sort of little show to just sit back and watch. I'll let you all enjoy the many funny faces that I am so lucky to get to see most every day.

Hope you all had a safe and wonderful (and loaded with candy) Halloween!!

{ bridling the mane } ~ austin area photographer

2010-10-27T12:32:00.000-06:00

I've always enjoyed hats. My grandpa's cowboy hat, my dad's airplane (seriously the hat had wings) hat, a couple of my mom's late 80's - early 90's style hats.... I just liked hats. I think I was brave enough as a teen to don a few. Once I grew into my own skin around the age of 25 I became obsessed and started my collection of hats. Mostly I like the snuggly winter kind of hats, some people call them beanies, I personally hate that name and will always call them affectionately...snookie hats. Don't argue this with me, I will never give in.

As of late I have been wearing them in the bar to stay warm and it also makes a boring outfit seem like I put some effort into it (which isn't the case really, I just toss on whatever can get ruined). So for my 52 weeks of BAM that I have been neglecting sadly, I took a picture of myself in my newest acquisition, I love the color, it makes me so happy, like I have stepped into the movie Love Story and I am Ali MacGraw for a moment in time. :)

Next week I should have some fun news about Halloween, I finished my costume last night! Good news, I still remember how to sew. I also learned that I can french braid my own hair. Any guesses on who you think I am going to be? Cheating if you are my friend on Facebook.

{ paternal appreciation } ~ musing of a daughter

2010-10-19T16:05:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I remembered how much I need my daddy. So following my usual tendency toward list making, I began to reel off in my mind all the things for which I am so grateful to my father.

Dad, I know I was a vexing girl, a pain in your neck, an ache in your heart at times, and I never understood all you were doing for me...growing up changes a lot and I want to take a moment to say thank you, thank you for....

All the times you took care of everything with my car, yesterday and today I have missed that help so much.

The length of my legs, because I can walk twice as far twice as fast as normal women.

Always reading to me in funny voices and singing crazy songs at bedtime.

Your slap stick and zany sense of humor, I am sarcastic, but because of you my humor is well rounded and I can laugh at pretty much anything.

Setting the bar high for any man who might want to enter my life.

Teaching me to drive everything from a tractor to a car (in that order).

Exposing me to unique views on snakes and making me eat them.

Building my self esteem.

Telling me and your other daughters that you married a queen and for always treating her that way.

Openly showing affection. It's because of you dad that my girls get kissed and hugged all the time and I know the never skip a chance to tell them I love them....you do such a good job at this and have taught me well.

My good vision (knock on wood).

Spending time with me last Summer when I couldn't walk or run away from painful arguments and situations, you were my rock.

Making me listen to Marty Robins and helping to expand my musical appreciation.

Really dad, there is no end to this list, you continually bring me new reasons to be thankful that I am your daughter. I hope you know how much I love you and that there is NO other daddy I would ever want to have over you... you are the best!

{ acquiescence + love } ~ austin area photographer

2010-10-12T14:54:00.000-06:00

Last night I gave you the Cliff's Notes update of my life. Today my mind is full of deeper issues and I have little time to write as I am about to get my girls from school. I just want to share a small thought from my full heart.

I had lunch with a very good friend and as we parted I said "full belly, full heart." That's how I feel right now. I'm contemplative about some things. There have been hurtful words tossed my way and I admit I am reminding myself to not take anything personally. It's a difficult thing to live out, yet it is a truth I believe. My friend lifted my chin and reminded me that hurts come and go, good friends will always prove themselves to be so.

This image is somber and for me even a tiny bit dark. My mood is even and full of gratitude for those who embrace me and accept even my whining. Today my mood is a culmination of love, grief, sunshine, and rainbows on the horizon. The future holds a bright light as long as I accept that I can't change anything but my view. Love is the only way to live this out. I choose to love it out.

{cynicism + pauperdom}

2010-10-12T03:59:00.000-06:00

I've long been compiling posts in my mind, and I beg your forgiveness for not setting aside the time to actually write out those thoughts. They are lost now and must not have been truly great if I cannot recall them. Accept my apology but consider yourself lucky to have not wasted time reading mindless babble developed in an overactive imagination.

Tonight is an update post, sadly I have no images to accompany it. Something I will be correcting tomorrow is the lack of action my camera has seen. My fingers are hungry for the weight of my Canon and my ears long to appreciate the hearty "click" of the shutter. Oh yes, the need to shoot has grown to a dangerous and overwhelming high.

If you have wondered where I have been...please allow me to indulge your curiosity with the tale of my whereabouts.

As many of you read previously, I resigned from my retail job, a bitter sweet ending. The opportunities which seemed exciting and very promising all faded away and I found myself without a job and without leads toward something new. My heart was fearful and I had to really focus and reject those emotions, I had to be positive and gain clear vision again. I needed money right away, so I strong armed a friend into teaching me to bartend. A stretch for me career wise, as I have had absolutely no service industry experience, but I know that I can learn anything so I committed myself to this task. I trained and attained some skills, literally went door to door at bars along West 6th street in Austin and even though I was told I would not find a job anywhere there (p.s. way number ~~11,478~~ 4 to make me not want a second date is to tell me I can't succeed at something), I was given a chance by a great bar. So for the last few weeks, my feet have learned to live within the confines of closed toes, my hands have been sliced and callused, my skills have been fine tuned, and I am confident to say I am a bartender. Is this my long term goal?...no, but has it allowed me to spend days with my favorite little ladies and work while they sleep?..yes! I didn't get evicted from my apartment which is a huge step in the right direction. Also, my bar stories will now hold at least one chapter in my memoir or possibly a book all their own. Adjusting to my new hours and change of profession has been difficult and entertaining, I could write many things about this...but tonight you will be spared.

I have learned much about the cynical side of some people. I am reminded of how often I have been called "strong willed," and honestly I will accept that because where there is a will, there is a way...and my strong will-ingness to do whatever I had to kept my girls with me and a roof over our heads. Doubt and criticism are negativity I just don't have time for in my life and frankly, I don't like them.

Changing gears completely and wrapping this up, I just want to thank the people who have been emailing and letting me know they care if I am alive or dead, that meant a lot. Also I appreciate the kindness from a few new readers, I am very grateful that you came to visit my blog and your emails made my smile bigger. Thank you all, I love you!

{ mexico + narcissism } ~ austin area photographer

2010-08-30T12:42:00.000-06:00

For 52 weeks of BAM!.... Just got home from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and I am reliving it through the pictures. Such an amazing and much needed trip. *ahhhhh*

So many stories and so much fun, but I just have to settle back into Austin life now...but believe me, Cabo came home with me!

{ acclimatize + focus } ~ austin area photographer

2010-08-18T20:43:00.000-06:00

So there is a great deal of unknown in my life right now. There are hazy places where I can't tell you for certain what comes next. Yet, I have clarity of mind and dreams so sharp they can't be denied of their deep meaning. I choose not to fear the unknown.

I've been turning over in my mind all my past and how I have reached this precipice in my life. Exhilarated about things coming and realizing how my life has built to jumping out toward goals, living full force. I am an uncommon lady.

I almost died at 18 months and I can actually remember it.

My sister ran away from home when I was 11 and I was devastated.

I experienced heartbreak at 15.

Being 16 and pregnant in a small town taught me that I was strong enough to lose all my friends and still go on living a full life of love with my new baby girl.

Working full time in a place where I was the age of most people's children or grandchildren helped me realize what I did and did not want to be as a mother. It also showed me I can get along with just about anyone.

Marrying young made me realize how much more grown up I was in mind/body/and life experience than in my emotions/heart.

Learning to sew and building my name as a successful children's designer made me see that anything is possible if I want it bad enough.

Growing in my photography skills made me stop and stare at the little things and delve deeper into life and soul searching.

I went to college at 25, first time in any school ever and I fell in love again....with writing.

When I moved to Austin I learned that I could make friends in an unknown place and I would always have my true friends back home and abroad, even if we spoke less.

Going through divorce I learned how selfish I can be at the same time as I saw how giving I am.

Living on my own, I have come to a place where I know my life can only go as far as I believe, and I believe I have a lot of people to love and care for, many places to go, a great deal of life lessons to share, and several adventures to experience.

{ fading + changing } ~ austin area photographer

2010-08-12T17:04:00.000-06:00

This summer my hair has faded a great deal and recently I have even been called "redhead" which I disagree with. However, it matches the things in my life changing. I promised I would let you all know as soon as I could, and now I can begin to reveal what swift changes are occurring in my life.

I have resigned from my retail job. It's been awesome, but approaching 29, I can't see myself doing that forever. I want to take more pictures, write more stories, and touch more lives. What can I say?...I dream BIG.

I have a job in mind that I am anxiously awaiting news about and my ardent hope is that it has come into my life for a reason and it will work out. I'm still searching in the meantime so that I can knock on all possible opportune doors.

{ toddler lingering } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-08-10T08:37:00.001-06:00

Today I found a CD with pictures saved from my old computer that crashed...a little treasure nugget of what I thought had been lost. A lingering so to speak, of Evelyn's infancy and toddler days.

I can hardly even believe I once had the Sweet Feet Boutique business, 3 girls, my photography business, and marriage all at once. I thrived and loved it all. I'm getting back to doing what I love one thing at a time it seems. My life is in great transition and I really am excited about the opportunities before me. Sometimes I get a little frightened, but I remind myself what a great friend said to me recently... "fear and excitement are the same emotion, but our mind tells us whether we are scared like something will hurt us or we are exhilarated like when we ride a roller coaster." Stephanie, thank you, that thought is keeping me with my chin up and my dream ahead of me choosing to be thrilled about chasing what I want. Thanks for for support and encouragement! More news to come as I am able to share it.....

{ tender rascals } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-08-01T20:05:00.000-06:00

Without a doubt in my mind at all...

I have the most amazing girls in the world.

Even days when they argue and squabble, they are really well rounded and interesting kids. This post might be a little bit "soap box-ish" but I want to encourage parents to really take time to get to know your kids, and first you have to let them BE kids...and be who they are. I get sad when I see little clone kids or parents trying to force their children to fit into a mold. One of my sisters told me something I will never forget, she said "every kid goes through phases, but you have to let them experience it or they will always wonder or act out." I respect her and I agree, I grew up quite sheltered and there was so much I wanted more simply because nobody would explain it or let me in on the big secret.

My girls might have some rough edges, my family might say that I spoil them or indulge their whims, and maybe they are loud and hyper...they are the most incredible three girls I have ever met and I am intensely proud of each of them. I make it a point to tell them that too, because I want them to always know they are loved even when we have to leave a store because they are being wild monkey kids, they are loved when they are snuggling next to me while we read chapters of Harry Potter together, they are loved when they beg for impossible things, they are loved by me at all times and through all things, because it's the greatest gift I have been given...the chance to pour all my heart and all my love into the lives of these three mesmerizing souls.

Quotes and stories to come... I'm getting sleepy and have a very ungodly alarm clock that will go off at a horrific time tomorrow.....

{ moments treasured } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-07-25T18:44:00.001-06:00

Some of my favorite photographs are just the ones I snap at random moments when the girls are grubby and dressed shabbily...when they are just being happy little girls. The photos I have of them snuggled in bed or playing on the floor are some of my most cherished pictures. Documenting their life by writing and taking still pictures is a gift that I want to give them, to pass along their childhood so that they can recall these days and also inspire them to record things as they grow. It's a brilliant habit to build.

Panties peaking out of little leotards, these days pass too quickly. Having one daughter who is almost 12 helps me appreciate the phases and how quickly they change from one thing to the next. Avery is a good reminder to me to indulge the girls in being young, spontaneous, and uninhibited.

Evelyn loves to sing and most recently has developed an obsession with watching this little girl on YouTube named Eva sing cover music. It's so funny to watch Evy as she stares at the screen and tries to sing along. A tiny moment of her life I never want to forget.

Much is happening in my life that I will hopefully be able to update you all about soon. Big changes and dreams circling through my mind and heart. Please send good luck vibes, I need the positive winds to blow here.

{ deplorable days } ~ austin area photographer

2010-07-22T07:46:00.000-06:00

This is the face I've had pretty much all week...it's been a rough go. 11 days ago I got 3 tickets. In my defense, only one was legit. However, even after having two corrected and removed, I still came out of the fiasco $400.00 hurt. Ouch, I'm still feeling the pain of that amount, but I decided after ranting and stressing for a day, I can't let it ruin my life, it's going to pass and I'll arrive on the other end of this with a greater sense of the distance I should maintain between myself and the possible jerk in front of me, also that life is only as bad as we let it be. A little bonus lesson was that I now know about vehicle registration (I didn't know what that was... thanks Dad for always taking care of me, this proved I STILL NEED YOU!!!) and also how to pay a ticket. I realized how sheltered I have always been.

Next week I am hoping to show a happier face because I have good things on the horizon and it's about stinkin' time, the past couple weeks have been challenging my positive spirit, but I am witnessing my own strength and for once I'm kind of impressed by myself. Thank you to my friends who have endured those whiny days while I got my mind in the right place. I LOVE you.

{ appreciable lengths } ~ austin area photographer

2010-07-15T16:20:00.000-06:00

Several years ago I had a hair catastrophe. Let me preface this by saying that I learned at the ripe age of 14 to NEVER use box hair color, ever, under any circumstance.

Okay back to my story. I was having my hair done by a local hair dresser and somehow our communication must have had a breakdown, because I asked him to help me get back to my natural color and fill my highlights. He filled my highlights, but my hair ended up tinted green and felt like mushy elastic thread.

Of course I am sort of brazen and I refused to leave with green hair, so I told him to cut it all off. Yes, I let him chop my hair to about a 2" all over boy cut.

I cried for 3 days without stopping and intermittently for months following (sometimes I still lament).

Since that time, I have not had a major haircut. That was about 9 years ago I believe, I stopped counting when I started to cry more. I have also not had major coloring and absolutely NO highlights. About October 2008 or so, I asked my stylist (a female in a different city!) to take me back to my natural color in a slow and healthy process. Through deep conditioning and tinted treatments, she helped the ends of my hair match my roots. My hair has been dark brown (even called black a few times) ever since that time with the exception of summer's sunshine adding some red and lightening it up a little, without the aid of coloring.

Today my need for change had me aching to call and make an appointment to cut it off, to just toss in the years of growing and mix it up. I've tried bangs, layers, ect....I just like change. My goal though, is to keep growing, I want long hair down my back and laying across my pillow. I know it's silly, but I just love how it feels, I mess with my hair all the time and I love when other (clean) people touch my hair...I have connections to my mane, I can't deny it. I took photos to see how long it has grown with the hope I would totally forget the impulse to chop off all the years of patience that it represents.

{ winsome teen } ~ austin area teen photographer

2010-07-13T15:45:00.001-06:00

Not much to write today, I feel as though I have been living at the store the last few days. Here are some photos I took of my amazingly cool niece. She lives in another state and I was lucky enough to have her stay with me for a few days. I'm so grateful that I have relationship with my niece where we can talk for hours, laugh until our cheeks hurt, share musical preferences, sunbathe, visit tasty restaurants, and enjoy each other even if we were just sitting and painting our nails.

I have to give some serious credit to my fantastic sister Lyndsey! Lyn, you have done such a great job raising Kayla. She is one of the most interesting people I've met and knows how to be herself. You have given her a great foundation of confidence and assurance that you support her and love her and that you believe she can do anything she sets her mind to. I hope that I raise my girls in the same manner and that one day they can impact someone as Kayla has touched my life. I love you ladies!!!

xo, A

{ disciplined wont } ~ austin area photographer

2010-07-09T09:32:00.000-06:00

After a week of of time off work, I am back. My routine resumed yesterday with an opening shift (which means leaving my house by 6:15 am). It was easier to get back into than I anticipated, however everything seemed a little foreign and overwhelming. I came home with an intense desire to sleep. Indeed that would have been nice, and probably even deserved, but I pushed myself to run and workout. I ended my routine with some planks and felt so accomplished that I decided to capture it for a flickr group I have just joined called 52 Weeks Of BAM!

Today I have been fighting the same urge to skip my physical exercise. I'm sad today, for a few reasons, but one thing I have learned for sure, is that if I choose to do the hard but healthy task of getting up and moving, I can surpass the blues and come out in a bright sunshiny mood. I'm going to run right now, and prepare myself for a fantastic day, even though I am still facing the same minor disappointments, I will know that I'm stronger and more fit for the challenges of life.

{circadian happenings} ~ austin area photographer

2010-07-06T08:57:00.000-06:00

Each day brings something to cherish. Just take a close look at what goes on around on a daily basis and you will certainly see something worth holding onto in a memory book. The natural rhythm of life can become dull and monotonous if we don't make the effort to move to it and feel the beat in our core.

Just a few pictures of things that happen around my house that could be easily overlooked and forgotten, and sadly I have overlooked them in the past...but it's never too late to start storing away that's treasured times so I can recall them with my little ladies down the road or just when I need a pick-me-up.

Avery and her friend put make-up on Masyn and Evelyn. It's a little scary, kind of Cirque De Soleil looking. Masyn's in particular cracks me up because she's kind of sporting a "Toddler's & Tiaras" smile. Good times.

Love the choke hold, Evelyn has so many pictures where Masyn has her around the neck...poor kid.

Obviously she watches and learns from Masyn, because Evelyn does the exact some chokehold to BetteDavis.

The dog who lived.

I hope that you all had a fantastic 4th of July. Mine was one for my book, that's for sure, possibly a full chapter. For now the girls are climbing the walls and begging to go to the pool. Day starts...now!

{beatifically evy} ~ austin area child photographer

2010-07-02T17:50:00.001-06:00

Today was a heavy chore day. My second full day of vacation time, second day in a row to be jolted from my sleep (which was supposed to be sleeping late...) at 6 AM. This morning it was Evelyn to wake me, not an employee. Evy, who I have missed in my bed and though it was early, it felt good to have her waking me with her whines for breakfast. Whining is her specialty, she comes by it naturally on her mother's side (though hopefully I have outgrown most of my whimpering and sullenness). I couldn't possibly not enjoy waking up to this face.....

Or this one....

Would you all believe I took this AFTER the giant 4.5 hour undertaking of cleaning their room?! The girls helped and were troopers all morning while I pulled everything out of their room, drawers, closets, everything was a wreck and I just wanted a clean slate. Today was a DEEP purging and purifying day in the room of my girls. The scariest moment was finding Avery's secret snack stash of open food under her bed. I literally had reflux for 30 minutes and kind of every time I think about it... *gag* You can see clearly under beds and dressers now, and the base boards are all cleaned. Masyn and Evelyn helped toss trash and put up books. It was a productive morning and they came out smiling! Well, it's maybe not quite a smile, but it's pretty darn happy and so stinkin' cute.

Tomorrow I go to retrieve big sister from camp! Avery might not recognize her bedroom when she gets home, or her sisters. I think Evelyn has changed just since the end of school. She seems so grown up lately.

My favorite little dialog from today:

Masyn - "Mama, want to know my favorite part about today?"

*because I frequently ask my girls what they liked most about the day

Me - "Of course I do, what was your favorite part?"

Masyn - "Cleaning our room and you finding my DS!!"

*The DS has been "lost" in the room for a loooong time.

Evelyn - "My favorite part about today was...NOTHING. Hmph."

Me - "Why is that Doo?"

Evelyn - "Because I can't find my Night-Night." (Night-Night = precious lovey toy)

Me - "Well come here, I can give you a favorite part of today, BIG hugs will be a good part!"

Evelyn - "Yes!!!!"

God I love these kids.

There is just something so special to me about this picture...not only the subject of course, it's the raw feel, like maybe I snuck back in time and took her picture with an old Polaroid. I'm for sure going to enlarge and frame this one.

{exploration} ~ austin area photographer

2010-06-27T21:52:00.001-06:00

Have you ever entered a phase in life where you just float? Where nothing you do really seems to be on purpose, it is just the natural and easiest way to go? I don't agree with fighting nature, not by any means, but I personally believe that for me, I have to pursue my natural path in life with passion and determination.

Yet, I let myself drift recently. I just found a comfort zone that was great at first, but then became too lackadaisical and the positive energy was lost. After waking up to this fact I first decided to grab hold of life again and live it with meaning and chase after memories.

Yesterday someone told me that I should "do whatever I want to do!" and then posed the questions "what DO you really want to do?" Not up and move to New York, I'm talking about my life ambition and even career path for long term. He asked me this and without hesitation I responded that I really want to write a book. This is no secret, I have mentioned it on here numerous times, still I linger in the state of twirling ideas in my head and typing out a few short stories or blog posts.... I have done nothing more to go after this long time goal. Perhaps because I've seen it as impossible or vain. There have been times when I thought to myself "who would read my book? What would I even write about? Could I really tell my story?" My list of arguments with myself goes on and on. In the end of that raging battle in my mind, I come up with one answer....undecided. The same friend who provoked these thoughts also gave me wise advice, "you don't have to know, just write. You don't need an audience or an ending, just write it."

So maybe it takes no shape or has no outline, but the chapters will begin in my journals (yes, plural, I have a few that I write different things...) and on notes, however and whenever I have the ideas, I will start recording them. Truth is, I think maybe I have something inside that just one person needs to hear or relate to, that would make a reason for my writing. I'm on a journey now to live in each moment, grasp the emotion it holds, savor it, explore it, record it....and get back to being FULLY and vivaciously...me.

Totally out of my comfort zone to show a picture of myself THIS close up. I'm pushing myself outside the walls and limitations I have been living in, pictures and all. :)

{indelible memories} ~ austin area child photographer

2010-06-24T14:04:00.002-06:00

Dean Martin said it so well when he crooned "memories are made of this..." Because this is exactly what I set out to do, build memories with my girls. Does that happen by accident? Yes, I think sometimes it does, but I also think we have to live purposefully and make the most of each day. For me personally that means finding ways to enhance the here and now in a natural way, but to be very "present."

When thinking about my own childhood, I remember "grand" events here and there, a few special Christmas gifts or outing to a circus once where I dressed so shabbily that we had to stop on the way and buy me something suitable to wear. Funny how that trick never worked a second time... My fondest memories however, are times that my mom woke me in the middle of the night for a picnic in the living room, or my sister and I dared each other to run through our nasty backyard pond, swimming for hours in the river on our annual summer vacation, playing mermaid in our pool, playing games with my grandparents, trying to put on shows for money in our living room, and this list could easily drag on for miles. I remember the seemingly insignificant, way more than the uber planned and extremely momentous occasions. Why is that? I can't explain it, but it gave me this exciting revelation that I could actually begin creating happy memories with my girls just by making the most of little pockets of time and savoring them, then talking about them, and asking what they like and don't like... looking for ways to surprise and delight them. I've become a more spontaneous and happy person in just 3 days.

I've always trotted a little off the beaten path when it comes to my parenting style and I offer no apology about that. I am SO proud of my girls and I don't take full credit for who they are by any means, but I do applaud myself for sticking with my methods even when questioned. My girls are open and free spirited, but polite and fairly well behaved (they are kids, so yes, we have tantrums, tears, ect.). This new idea though makes me feel like I have SO much more to learn about being a mother and as I read recently "A treasure house for happy memories." That's what I want for my girls. I want them to recall times like I do, when my dad read to me in "voices" at bedtime or bursting into song in the car just because. As silly as I have always been, I am stepping up the game for myself and enjoying my days as a child again. How lucky to have a window and connection to youth such as young children, I am beyond blessed, but to also have the chance to grow in friendship with these incredible girls as they begin to mature....does every mom feel as unworthy and truly grateful as I do?!?! I'm out of words now, with tears in my eyes all I can do is sit and muse over how much love I can have for these little ladies.

Below are some pictures from our sunset adventure a couple days ago. Nothing more than a quilt, some snackies, and a short hike...but I will never forget this evening and I hope they won't either.

"The days go slowly, but the years go fast." - Gretchen Rubin

{ toasty + chill } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-06-10T20:16:00.001-06:00

It's been one of those lovely laid back days where small tasks are accomplished at the pace of a slow moving snail and treats are consumed without any guilt whatsoever. These days make me smile. They are called "my atypical day off." Usually I have piles of work to do and running around tying up loose ends that have unraveled during my work week. I must be doing something right lately though, because today I did have some work I brought home, but I did it quickly while I had the girls color pictures to send to Avery at camp. I even managed to get on the treadmill for a run, followed by a short round of pilates with the cutest 4 year old by my side.

Pardon the confusion left by my last post. I am NOT leaving the blog world, in fact quite the opposite. I have been churning ideas in my head about writing a book and I think I will begin by researching through my blog. So I hope to be posting almost daily. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the thought of trying to DAILY upload pictures and all of that, but this will not always include a picture. This will be a journey of self examination and motivation through challenging myself and then journaling what I learn from each thing I push myself to do. I hope this isn't too confusing, please post questions and ideas for me, even challenges you think I should put myself up to.

Today my first challenge went well. I dared myself to not wear make-up or fix up at all, to just enjoy being relaxed and completely chill for an entire day. Here is what happened....

I let Masyn sleep in until 10 AM. I made Evelyn breakfast and we had a good snuggly morning just reading and talking until she became interested in blocks and I put on my running shoes. After my run we had some good healthy time on the floor doing Pilates and then we stretched and laughed about how sweaty I was. I cleaned up a little and put on some cut offs and a t-shirt. Already I felt like my day was flying by, but I had managed to work out, I swelled with pride. Masyn woke up and I made her some breakfast, we watched Kittens on YouTube which started both girls on a silly laughing spree. I steamed my skirt for tomorrow's work day and tried on my planned outfit, so I knocked out one thing from my to-do list tomorrow! Next I grabbed a stack of cards and went to work on correspondence for work as well as two personal letters to my nieces at camp. This chill day was going great, I wasn't wasting any time on worrying or nonsense.

We weren't hungry until a little later in the day, so after a late lunch I served some banana pudding I also found time to make. Set the timer for 20 minutes of playtime and then called for a household siesta! This was amazing, I got to sleep in the middle of the day. First I read for a while to get drowsy enough to actually sleep, and then I slept! Oh how beautiful it felt, especially because last night I shared a bed with both of my littles and they were taking over, I almost fell off the bed 3 times and Evelyn did fall once. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep. After the much needed nap, we played some more, colored, talked a while. My girls and I just hung out. I can't even tell you how precious this time was for me. The fact that my kids want to spend time communicating and learning, I am SO grateful for this.

Dinner...what the heck, I decided to take them out. They were so good and that's pretty much their favorite thing to do. They chose McDonalds and of course because they wanted to play. I said "yes" grabbed a book, put on a bra and some shoes and out the door we went. What a great time, I let them play and read for a bit. Masyn ran into a friend from her class, Colin, who she refers to as "Colin, not like on the phone." My girls played with him and his little sister and I chatted with their Nanny. It was so nice to just be outside, even in 1000* weather. What a great choice to just go with the flow instead of insisting on something I would rather do, I found a way to make it work together and felt much more accomplished having just let things roll.

Back at home it was time for a bath. I have to pause now to tell you all Masyn's funny comment for the day. Evelyn needed a band-aid for her leg so we stopped at the store and she picked a box of Barbie band-aids. As we talked about these during bath, Masyn happily said "Barbie is pretty. You know, Barbie kinda looks like me. I think Barbie is ME, as a teenager!" I love her confidence.

So that was my first full day of daring myself something. Hope I didn't bore you all. I must admit, I impressed myself with what I could get done and still remain totally laid back at the same time. I didn't even mention that I washed and folded two loads of laundry! :)

Let me know your thoughts and ideas....I'm anxious to hear.

{esoteric inspiration} - austin area photographer

2010-06-02T13:56:00.000-06:00

Wow, May is gone. I spent the month working as hard as I possibly could. I was lucky enough to be part of a new store opening and we had much to do! It's still a very busy time in my life, but the wildest part is over and now I'm back to assure you I am not dead. However, I am suffering from a back injury but that's a whole different story.

Today I was inspired to write. It won't reach many I am sure, especially since I've lost all readers on here, but something inside me stirred today when a scent hit my nose and I was overwhelmed with the need to put it into words. Not just the memory that the smell evoked, but the rush of emotion that has been waiting for work to slow down to make it's presence known.

I was walking to the pool, my first day in a series of vacation days that are desperately needed. Bag packed with a book, iPod, water, and lotion, ingredients to a perfect rest by the pool and the occasional dip when Texas heat gets the best of me. I passed a van idling in the parking lot and the smell of diesel gasoline and the extreme high temperature outside took me straight back to the summer of '96. Yep, I was 14 and I was driving a tractor for my brother during rice harvest. For the rest of my life, diesel will make me think of our farm, but today was unique, I could even picture the clothes I had on. It was surreal. As I let myself be carried back in time, my mind flooded with good memories, sad memories, pains, joys, celebrations, moments of grief, and dreams for future. Maybe it was profound, maybe it was heat related hallucination, I don't care...it was magical. Like all of my life from the most hurtful to most rewarding were right there and they all connected just right. I haven't lead a "hard knock" life and I haven't lived a charmed life either, but it's my life. Yesterday I was kind of sad over some things and I focused throughout the day on choosing to be happy about the good. Today's epiphany makes yesterday seem so silly. I want this level of awareness always, I feel so grateful in this moment, for every single life experience I have ever had...

For my farewell, here is a picture of my new "family."

{ my-self } ~ austin area photographer un-done

2010-04-23T08:44:00.000-06:00

Sher, this is for you...for making me feel special on a day when feeling special seemed impossible. For always being my friend, even when you were completely alone in caring about me. I definitely would not be able to live a life that didn't include you, and my French would be far worse than it already is. Without you, my life would have a huge void where all our great memories would be missing. I would not have learned the things I am about to say about myself, and I wouldn't be strong enough to actually say them. You are a sunspot in my life lovely, you will always be my best friend, my long lost sister, my twin soul. I love you Sher, thanks for sharing so many special afternoons with me, for opening your heart to me and for helping to heal my own.

xo,
Ame

I've learned these things about myself.
I'm a nice girl, and as cliche as it sounds, we will always finish last. I'm okay with that, because I always want to see others succeed, I'm just now learning to give myself some credit. Thanks for my bosses for pushing me in this.
I am an over achiever, in almost everything.
My expectations are unrealistic, and I'm okay with that.
My body will never look like it did before kids, and no matter how nice people are, they haven't seen me naked and just don't get it.
I will try almost anything once. Fear isn't something that holds me back and I don't care if I look dumb.
Snuggling is the key to my heart.
I am deceptively strong, physically and emotionally.
My two biggest flaws/strengths: my sensitivity and my willingness to forgive.
I can become friends with just about anyone.
I sell myself short a lot.
Heavy metal is about the only genre of music I never listen to.
My girls are lucky to have me, but I am even luckier to have them.
I have skills with a camera.
I can teach myself almost anything.
Nobody can challenge my bravery.
28 is my number, not my age, I'm way older.
Sometimes even I need to sleep.
The more I run, the bigger my butt gets and I think it's okay (so does Evy).
I have trouble being mean to others, but I can say the cruelest things about myself.
When I'm really upset, I want to cut my own hair or throw dishes, but I don't do either..I run.
I miss my family.
I cherish my friends.
Trust is something I give too easily.
Money doesn't have power over me.
I wish I had more patience with my girls.
I get that I am a work in progress, and I wish I had more patience with this process.

That's all I can say right now, I need to go run. I love you Sher, I hope you enjoy this because I'm sweating bullets. :)

{ avery-bug } ~ austin area tween photographer

2010-04-21T19:58:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow I work all day, so I'm posting for Avery now, before I crash after such a long day off.

Avery, you're stunning. I know you think your body isn't changing fast enough and you want to look so grown up. Let me calm your fears baby, you are growing in ways that matter more than physical, you are maturing in spirit and understanding. You care about people, you are sensitive, caring, and such a good girl. Being so sweet will bring people into your life who will need you, be patient with them, but always remember to refresh and take care of yourself as well. Advice will be something you will have to give, because you have gone through much and dealt with it beautifully. Don't be a know-it-all, be a listener and a shoulder for those who come to you, and when they ask...share your story. I can't imagine my life going in a different direction, even though it seemed scary when I was so young, but Avery, you have helped me become a better person. In many ways you really saved me from making a lot of mistakes and wasting my life. When you were born I realized that there is a love that most people can't grasp until much later in life when they have children. So maybe it wasn't ideal for me at 16 to have a child, but I am eternally grateful for you being given to me, I didn't deserved you and I still don't, but daily you make my life a happier and more fulfilling one. You're my special blessing, my best little friend, and a beautiful young lady on her way to a gorgeous teenager. Slow down and love who you are, because your sisters and I think you are pretty darn fantastic. I love you baby, more than you will know for a long time and I hope we keep growing closer each day.

You mean the world to me,
Mama

{ masyn-moo } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-04-21T07:37:00.002-06:00

Another day, another post. Today is Masyn's day.

Masyn, you are a great source of entertainment and love. You make people work for your affection, and prove to you that they are worth your time. Once they earn your attention and time you are a best friend and pal for life. Your memory is amazing and the little details that never escape you blow me away all the time. I love your little quirks, even when they challenge my patience. It's so rewarding to be able to watch you learn to temper and direct your strong need for order and understanding of all things. I love being able to teach you about things and watching your eyes brighten as you grasp something for the first time. I giggle when you try your best to tell me I am wrong about simple things, like when you swear the sky is not blue, but rather yellow...or you KNOW in your heart that Christmas happens in the Summer AND in the winter. Even though right now you believe you know it all, the world has much to offer and show you, and I hope your heart lights up as you experience new things and are not afraid to break your routines and live life to the fullest. You are like a magnet Na-na, people have long been drawn to your charismatic smile and sparkling blue eyes...but it's more than your sweet face, you have inside you something that many people long for, you know who you are even at the young age of 6, you are full of confidence and love. Hold onto that and share it with everyone you can, let family and friends learn from you and spill your Masyn-ness all over them. Don't let people try to change you, but be open to learning new ideas and respecting how others feel. You will touch so many lives, I have always known this. I love you more than any other Masyn in the WHOLE world, nobody can take your special place in my life lovey!!

I love you huge,
Mama

{ evy-doo } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-04-20T09:12:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I just like to take time to celebrate each of my girls all on their own. Maybe some parents think that is being "partial" but I think it's "personal."

So today is "doo-day." My Evelyn getting a post all to herself.

Little doo, one day down the road you will know just how special you are. How amazing you make everyone around you feel. You brighten the lives of all who know you, even when you frown you make others smile. By far, you are my snuggliest baby, and that makes me so happy to finally have a little snuggle bug to share my bed with. I love that you show all your emotions when you speak, that your face changes from happy to sad at the speed of light, and that you and I have our special song. I adore you dooby-doo! You're my strongest girl and even though you are the youngest, you're often the leader. I see strength in you that will carry you so far in life, as long as you stay humble, honest, and keep love foremost in your life. You won't have trouble with this, you are naturally loving and affectionate, don't let people drain that from you....stay close to your family, we love you and find friends who pour love back into your life and don't just take it away. You're precious in every possible way a person can be precious, a true treasure to me and to your sisters. My life wouldn't be complete without you Evelyn.

I'm Yours,
Mama

{ bathe } ~ austin area photographer

2010-03-31T08:23:00.000-06:00

Today I want nothing more than to add color to my skin and soak in the warmth provided by the gorgeous sunshine that is beginning to stream in my open windows. Maybe it will add more freckles, maybe I will age a little more, it's all part of life and I want to feel it.

Armed with a giant pair of sunglasses and a big towel, I am now descending from my apartment and headed poolside....

{feelings show} ~ austin area photographer

2010-03-28T22:42:00.000-06:00

First and foremost I have to thank Shelli and Pedro for your extremely kind and timely emails/comments. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! You both really touched me and my heart is so full of gratefulness I just can't express it to you enough.

I've felt something brewing inside for the past couple of weeks. I had no idea what was going on, where my mind was, just feeling a little lost and lonely... Luckily I have seen what shutting myself away does, so I didn't isolate thank goodness. Still, I wasn't really able to knock the feeling that something needed attention deep within. Today I think someone reminded me.

I haven't been making time for my art. My one outlet aside from running that is 100% me without deadlines or directions. Just taking the pictures that I love, capturing the moments that I see as beautiful. Don't misunderstand, I do love shooting for others as well, but my truest pleasure behind the camera is snapping without expectation, free to interpret the world around me as I see it in my mind and how I want to remember it years from now.

So the above collage is a little sample of what my evening was like, building memories with my most precious treasures in life...my girls. I'm going to challenge myself to take at least one photo a day, and hopefully I will stop neglecting my love and start sharpening my skill.

I'm completely preaching to the choir when I say this, but take hold of each spare moment, in every unexpected piece of time you can snag, do something that matters. Hug your babies, kiss your lover, write your thoughts, read a book, tell a story, sing a song...really and truly live. Finding time is always hard (I know this, with 2 jobs and 3 kids I'm still trying to work in exercise lately) but if you really look hard, there are snippets when you can sit down and color a picture or grab your loved one and say how much you care. These things don't take that much time, but they matter so much, especially when the day is over and you consider what you've done....these things matter most.

{ one picture } ~ austin area child photographer

2010-03-11T23:47:00.000-06:00

Just a snippet from a session last week with a really stunning little boy. His eyes are mesmerizing, they literally jump off the screen in almost every frame I shot that day. *sigh* I'd for sure trade my muddy-brown-green-eyes for crystal blue beauties like this mini man has.

Aside from this session, I'm working a LOT at my full time job. The girls and I are doing good and looking forward to summer like mad women. I forecast lots of time by the pool, many cups of lemonade, peppered with a few visits to gobble up yummy frozen yogurt, and a few road trips if for no other reason than to have genuinely wind blown hair from the rolled down windows and open sunroof. Oh summer, please come quickly!!!

{furtive feeding}

2010-02-09T17:24:00.000-06:00

Another adventure in my kitchen...

So I guess I haven't really shared on here that I have been juicing a lot since Christmas. I love it, so much goodness in one cup! I have been wanting to bake with the pulp and yesterday I gave it a go.

These muffins are packing kale, strawberries, parsley, grapefruit, and apple!

I didn't tell the girls what was in them. They definitely gave me some "lip" when they saw green in the muffins, but I said they were special and just taste. After the taste test, all three agreed they were yummy and finished every crumb. I let them in on the secret...

Only Avery was excited to know she had ingested something extremely healthy. Masyn and Evelyn might not trust me again for a while, however...they did ask if I could make the special muffins again for breakfast. Sweet glory.

Today's conquest: Kolaches from scratch. I can report (minus pictures) that they were delicious. I'm feeling so Betty Crocker.

{self portrait} ~ austin area photographer

2010-01-27T18:20:00.001-06:00

Self Portrait time...

This is a combination of "Introductions" and "Seven Deadly Sins."

Introducing myself yet again, to perhaps any new readers or just to reintroduce myself to anyone whose been around a while. I'd like to thank you for even visiting, so kind of you!

I'm Amelia. I love my girls, photography, my job(s), music, living, reading, running, and noticing all the small things in life. I don't like lies or negativity. Mostly I'm just sort of plain, but sometimes I like to try and mix up fashion and have fun. Nice to meet you!

The sin is "sloth." I'm being super lazy today and this picture captured it, or at least I think it does... Just taking it easy in my bedroom, relaxing for my own portrait. Sounds a little cheesy now that I think about it and read what I just typed. Oh well, I suppose I do have a dose of cheese to me. ;)

{old fashioned} - austin area child photographer

2010-01-23T17:22:00.001-06:00

Last night I had the girls here with me. Actually, Masyn and I had been together all day because she left school early with a fever. I guess she just needed mama time because her temperature returned to normal within 30 minutes of me getting her from the school nurse's office. I must be good medicine. ;)

As I was saying though, the girls were all here and since it was Friday we just sort of had a party. My poor neglected pantry offered no easy outs for dinner. Since I'm not really an "easy route" girl anyway, I decided that I would make something I've never tried before.... cinnamon rolls from scratch! I mean, can't be that hard, right? The reality of this for me, was that I had a blast getting flour everywhere and trying something totally new. Yes, I am easily entertained....duh.

After the dough was rolled, coated with yummy cinnamon goodness, and in the oven...it was playtime while we waited and our olfactory senses were tantalized.

There is a YouTube video that my girls adore. If you haven't seen it, the next two pictures will not make a lot of sense to you, however, if you have seen it, then you will probably appreciate the "double head!" joke. Sometimes we get funny looks in public because often one or all 3 of the girls will shout random lines from this silly little recording.

Of course this is the "triple head!" version. Masyn was really squashing Evelyn so we had to rearrange before they let me shoot. I love this because Evy really was THAT happy, she wasn't being cheesy.

A rare a special big sis/lil sis moment. Evelyn is super affectionate, but Avery isn't always so ready to snuggle. Makes me smile each time I load this picture. My sisters are some of my best friends and I truly want my girls to know the value of a good relationship with their sisters.

The moment of truth dawned as the timer sounded.... What would the outcome be? How would the rolls look and taste? Who cared?... not me, I was in euphoria watching my girls play and snapping pictures.

The result was extremely positive! The girls all devoured their cinnamon rolls, asked for seconds, and gave me "thumbs up" with request that I make these every morning (or night, or both). Hurray...success all around, beautiful.

Next was the "capture and kiss" game. I'm big on hugs and kisses so I am always looking for fun ways to keep them flowing in my house and with the girls, I want to encourage outward display of affection. Anyway the game is just like it sounds, I yell "kiss Avery" and they run to kiss her... or I yell "everyone kiss Evelyn!" and you get the idea. This is my little kiss-collage.

No real story behind this except that Masyn refuses to be excluded from anything, even when I am shooting inanimate objects, she wants in the frame. I can't blame her though, if I looked like her I would definitely want my picture taken non-stop. Oh, and the plate was on the floor because Evelyn and I were having a little picnic style dinner, so Masyn literally laid her face to the kitchen tile for this shot. LOL

Just one last image that I love so much. My littlest beauty, Evelyn Blair with her special "Night-Night" that she carries everywhere. I can't really tell you why I am so fond of this picture, technically speaking it's nothing amazing, but I keep picturing it on a canvas or gallery wrap. Hmmm...sometimes pictures just strike me, this is one of those cases.

I bet you are all sorry you asked for more pictures! Be mindful of what you ask for when asking me...sometimes I go overboard you know. ;-)

{2009 spc recap} ~ austin area photographer

2010-01-21T11:04:00.006-06:00

The theme is clever this month for SPC: Flashback of 2009. So I could choose any of the 12 themes from 2009, but it had to combine at least two. I'm certain that I could make an argument that I have used several of the themes, but I'm going to claim 2 and leave the rest open to interpretation. :)

My intention was to do a diptych and incorporate tiny words (because I was pretty sad that I didn't take part that month).

So there you have it, two glimpses at me side by side, each with a significance in my life somehow. The left side is a tattoo that few people know I have. I designed it about a year after Evelyn was born and it reminds me of a turning point in my life...that's why it has wings, it's when I learned that I could fly alone. The downfall to this little story is that I long for more and I have designs in my head that I envision having inked on my skin....addiction, it's an addiction. My resolve to not get tatted up is very strong though, all my tattoos have got to be deeply meaningful before I will consider really embellishing myself for life.

On the right, so silly, but to me something I can't escape... I have an obsession with my feet. I love for them to look nice, to wear nice shoes, basically they are a very pampered part of my body and I think maybe I go overboard taking time on them, however, it means something to me so I can't neglect them and de-value something that makes me happy. Besides, ugly, unkempt feet are gross.

{getting acquainted} - austin area pet photographer

2010-01-18T17:18:00.004-06:00

Meet the newest member of my family... BetteDavis.

BetteDavis is a long haired chihuahua. She is spoiled completely rotten, always held or in bed with us. She's great with the girls, I really pity her at times...Evy is still learning "gentle."

Any tips on how to get puppies to not bite would be welcome. I look like I have a drug problem or self mutilation habit, my arms are dotted and scratched so badly! :)

Thanks for the loving comments on my last post. I won't lie, I've lost some friends over this as well as some family love/support. I am extremely grateful for you who hardly know me, but send your love and encouragement to me in all the hardest times in my life. Thank you!!!!

{tidbits}

2010-01-13T22:06:00.002-06:00

I promised an update and here is the beginning of the fulfillment of that promise...

So life here has changed a lot. Don't worry, it's been a long but positive transition, and it's definitely still in transition mode. I never shared on here because I feel it's personal and the story isn't for everyone at this point. My husband (referred to as "Adonis" on here) and I are no longer together. The road to this point was long and rocky, those who are close to me knew what was happening even when I tried my best to hide it and change it, but last year we reached the point where everything was clear. My surgery was also a great diversion from having to share any of this with you who have supported me for so long.

Now you know and maybe now my long absence makes more sense. Living alone means much more responsibility and that's a good thing, but it keeps me away. Also, I work a lot more these days. I will be a little more free since holiday in retail has passed....*sigh*

My Christmas gift to the girls was a puppy..as well as a birthday present to myself. Get ready for pictures of her because I am aching to use my camera again and she is so darn cute I can't help but take pics all the time. The girls appreciate a break from being my constant muses anyway. :-)

much to say...

2009-12-09T16:58:00.003-06:00

...and hardly the time just now. Also, I lack internet access on a regular basis. I promise that my update and even a few pictures are coming very soon. I'm still alive and for that I am grateful, as well as much more...today my heart swells with gratitude for so many things and I will be back soon to share it!

{my nyc} - austin area photographer

2009-11-04T09:49:00.005-06:00

Why did I fall in love with New York City at age 12? Well first and foremost I read "The Baby-Sitters Club" books and the New York special edition book (the thicker white one) was my all time favorite. In the pages of that book I found a place I knew one day I wanted to go. The older I got, the more I watched and read about The City. Breakfast At Tiffany's might possibly have sent me over the edge into obsession.... also the movie "You've Got Mail" was another where I wanted to simply jump into the screen and live.

So at age 22 I had my first real taste of that east coast air. However it was extremely short, like 3 or 4 hours in NYC, on foot only, I wasn't able to sight see much....it just left me hungry for more.

5 whole years later, I impulsively purchased my ticket and flew to New York! Luckily I have this beautiful friend...

..who let me crash on her couch for 2 nights and took me all around town for an entire day! THANK YOU SO MUCH (and thank you to her husband too, what a trooper to take us out and go to work the next day, twice!). You guys are the best, I miss you tons!

We walked and rode the subway, took a stroll through Central Park and sipped hot cocoa! It was incredible, just the getaway I have been needing. There was shopping done, lots of amazing conversation, and some delicious food consumed!

I'm pretty silly, but the one thing I HAD to buy was a Yankees cap, because I love them (sorry to disappoint my Astro fanatic family)! I don't have a picture yet of my favorite new hat, but I snapped some pictures in the Yankee Clubhouse store because it was definitely a highlight for me. PS. my hat is green, not conventional but it looks pretty darn good next to my dark hair so vanity won over tradition. I will attempt to take my own picture soon, but don't send me hate mail if it takes a while... I've been SUPER busy and this month only looks like it speeds up from now on. :o)

Best trip I've had, I literally can't wait to go back... even if just for another speedy getaway like this one, it was perfection.

{sagacious} - austin area photographer

2009-10-17T08:43:00.003-06:00

The first sneak from the wedding I shot in September. Isn't Miss J a gorgeous bride?!

I chose a few of my favorites from what I have finished so far... I have SOOO many more to go through it's a bit absurd, but sweet that there were so many special moments to capture. When I shoot it's always about a story going on in my head, I guess it's how I see everything in life, there is always something more than what meets the eye. These are my favorites because I feel like I can clearly see the deeper meaning and feel exactly what I felt when I decided to press down on the shutter button....

I've known J and her father a long time, and they are both strong people. This tender moment passing between them is priceless. I want to print this on a giant canvas just because I think it's so special and a photo that years from now will mean even more to them than it does now. I wish I had more photos with my dad...he's the best man/daddy I've ever known.

J seemed so calm and yet so excited about her wedding. In these two pictures I think it's very clear how she was focused on what was coming and not being lost in the details of a "wedding," she was just ready for the love of her life to take her away.

...and her little Mr. C is still the center of everything for her. No matter how ready and excited for her "own" day, she was putting him first the whole day. I pretty much melted when she was fixing his hair, they call it "putting handsome on." Aww... such a cute mama and boy.

it's time

2009-10-14T16:14:00.003-06:00

I had a different day in mind for my day off work, but this day evolved in a way that makes me happy to say my predictions were way off. I planned on working on photos, not self portrait though..which is what I am sharing below.

Most of you knew before my surgery, as I did post those grotesque pictures back in May. For any stragglers or (fat chance) newcomers, I had spinal fusion from L3 to T4 (I think) and a section removed from 3 of my ribs on the left side. It was hellacious and I hope to never have surgery again. My mom was such a trooper to put up with my daily complaints and begging to be euthanized.

The doctor said I would feel better in 6 months and by a year I will be stronger and happier than before surgery. Well, I guess I'm healing "okay," but I'm not a patient person and I have pushed myself a little more than I should have at times. I have been scolded for it, so please spare me any more verbal flogging. Thanks. ;-)

I went back to work full time after about 3 months. Since that point I have made progress such as being able to buckle my shoes (yes, that was impossible), touch the floor, do most of my pilates again, and lift things over 10 lbs. Wow, baby steps. Today though, I was restless and had so much energy... I just needed to run... something I've missed since the day I went under the knife. November 15th is my 6 month mark, where I will be officially cleared for pretty much all normal activity (in moderation). Not so reluctantly I am admitting to you that I ran. I ran and I loved it. I felt like such a stiff and awkward lug, but it was so good to feel a little burn, to sweat like a race horse, and to let myself feel 100% free.

After my run I finished up my workout and showered and then I felt compelled to finally shoot my "after" self portrait. This is me, I'm straight and yeah, still quite frustrated with how limited my flexibility is... but I'm moving, I'm running, I'm not scared of the garish scar that Masyn lifted my shirt to show her new friend from the bus today (yeah, she thinks I'm her personal freak show). I don't know if I believe my doctor yet, if I will ever be glad I chose to have this surgery.... but I am crossing my fingers and enjoying the small triumphs that I am experiencing.

And to my very best and beautiful Canadian friends.. Lady GaGa showing love to the word you've given me to replace my idiotic sounding "huh." Eh, eh!!

a wedding ~ {austin area photographer}

2009-09-26T07:23:00.006-06:00

Weddings are a big job. I have only done a couple. Today I'm driving back to my old town to shoot for a sweet friend who is getting married tonight! I just purchased a Speedlite so I can safely attempt indoor shots no matter what time of day or the light... this is insanely exciting to me. What a nerd I am, a flash made my whole week.

In preparation for this event, I not only bought the flash, I also worked all week in order to have off on the weekend. I love work and I tend to give myself entirely over to whatever I am doing, so I pretty much was out of steam by 7 PM when I arrived home last night. I had a snack and went to take a "nap." The nap ended at 6:20 AM today...... I slept almost 11 hours, that's more than I get in two nights combined!!!!! I woke up totally glazed over and my hair looks eerily close to an old picture of Amy Winehouse. My greatest ambition for this morning is to shower and wake up after so much sleep, and try to look nice even though my Chi broke (which actually broke my heart a little as well).

I'll soon be hitting the road, cruising down the highway back to small-town-in-Texas and doing what I love... capturing moments people want to remember the rest of their lives. I feel really lucky right now (minus the fact I could guest star in The Addams Family).

I'll share sneaks when I get back home. Until then, enjoy one of my new favorite tunes, "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train.

Oh and PS. I have met Chuck Woolery who hosted "Love Connection" and I had no idea he was famous until he walked away and someone told me who he was. I used to watch that show when I was little. The song made me think of it, it wasn't totally random that I mentioned him.

{memoir possibly}

2009-09-17T20:22:00.005-06:00

There is no real reason for me to write a memoir. I'm not famous, I don't have an extraordinary amount of children, there are no significant scandals surrounding my life, and I have yet to be offered a role on reality t.v. However, I was perusing Barnes & Noble on Sunday to kill time while Avery had choir practice.... and I came across a book I very much wanted to purchase! It was all about how to write your own memoir. Still, I plan to go back and buy it, for my own personal enjoyment (yes, I am the geeky sort who actually LOVED homework and writing papers in my brief college experience). Though it will more than likely never see a publisher's desk or be laid subject to en editor, I will write this memoir.

Most recently I have considered writing "All The Famous People My Friends And Coworkers Have Met That I Have Not." A list that now contains Sandra Bullock, Matthew McConaughey, and Rose McGowan. I just can't commit to such lengthy list right now (and ever growing it seems). Although I did manage to sell candles to Jessica Alba (who is incredibly tiny in real life).

So then I toyed with the idea of "The Things My Kids Say Daily." Yesterday ruined that for me, because I really wouldn't want the world to know that I got a text from Avery that read "Masyn is SO disgusting!!!" to which I replied "that's not nice, what's up?" Avery's response..... "she's licking the walls." Yeah, that pretty much shot that idea down in an instant, at least it did for me.

Next was my thought to share my personal musings and observances from my many hours wasted people watching. Again, plan foiled. People have been far too rude lately for me to allow their negativity to encroach on my lighthearted memoir. Although it was recently suggested to me that I am "dark" and possibly "moody." Maybe I should give time to the idea of what I have surmised through people watching, maybe I can even write about the common misconceptions that we as humans place on each other and ourselves. Ah shoot, I'm really just not that smart, it took me like 3 minutes to just put that idea into words and I'm still not sure I expressed it in an ideal manner.

Okay this is really a silly post because as we all know, my memoir will never be more than an exalted diary because I will be the only set of eyes to ever read it... unless I leave it to my girls to read after I pass away. Yeah I think that's actually a good idea..... a memoir on "All The Things I Want My Girls To Know About Their Mama...Even The Not So Pleasant Things." The title could probably use some tweaking. ;-)

{playing favorites} - austin area newborn photographer

2009-09-05T15:44:00.003-06:00

Finished with all the proofing and picked out a few more favorite pictures from the session, as well as a few random lists of favorite things.

I love this blanket. It's one I purchased from Anthro after pining away for it for several months. Oh how happy I was to finally use it, I've been saving it for a newborn session.

Which evokes my list of favorite things bought from Anthro:

All my AG jeans.

My teal schlubby cardigan.

My red suede sandals.

Honey & The Moon perfume by Tokyo MIlk. The other day someone said I smelled like a cupcake, that made me feel good.

All my AG jeans.

The red poppy headband that makes me feel saucy.

A list of favorite memories:

Waltonia. It's a campsite my family used to visit every summer. Sometimes I smell things that make me feel like I am 8 years old and swimming in the river again.

These fizzy soda drinks that my aunt used to serve at parties. They had a city skyline on the label and I have no idea what they were, I just remember loving when we went to her parties because that was the only place I'd ever had such a yummy drink.

Racing my sisters and cousins to finish eating at my grandma's house and running to weigh ourselves after to see who gained the most. All I ever remember eating was chili and rice, which can really pack a punch in the weight gain department.

Giving birth to Evelyn. Not to trivialize the other two girl's entrances into the world, but Evelyn's was the most relaxed, special, and memorable of the three. Having her at home and going at my own pace let me take it in and enjoy each moment of the whole experience. I cherish it.

Wearing my grandpa's boots pretending to be a dwarf.

Staying up with Becca and talking all night until I made her fall asleep.

Favorite frivolous things:

Keeping my fingernails polished.

Teaching my girls to say silly things just to get a laugh.

Sunbathing in extreme heat. I love to feel the sun on my skin.

Frozen yogurt. Too much.

AG jeans.

Feeling my hair on my bare back. I have been growing my hair for years and this feeling makes it all worth the wait.

Reading books, all books.

Kombucha.

Lastly, a favorite song... "Starlight" by Muse. Wow, I'm such a fan.

{dream baby} - austin area newborn photographer

2009-09-03T22:09:00.003-06:00

I have read and re-read the book "The Baby Whisperer." In the pages of that book there is described, a baby that is so good natured and happy that it will just go along with anything and hardly ever fuss. Tracy Hogg calls this the "Angel Baby." I met him Tuesday. This little guy was sleeping or just sort of taking it easy the whole shoot. His daddy moved him around and we woke him up, but he would just drift back to sleep, only fussing a little at the very end of our hour session. This little Mr. is most definitely the type of baby that every mother hopes for, and it was a privilege to photograph him. A huge "Thank You" to his beautiful mama and super helpful daddy for having me in your home to capture this precious stage of his life!

Also some music provided by a favorite band of mine, "Band Of Horses." Enjoy~

whirlwind.

2009-08-28T19:11:00.003-06:00

As promised, an update on why I hardly have time or photos to post.....

Really, have I slept at all? I don't think I have much, I have been both busy and excited...resulting in a very challenging sleep pattern.

The girls all began school this week and are really loving it! Avery is at a friend's house tonight, her first sleep over since moving, very big thing in the life of a 5th grader. I'm so proud of her making new friends so quickly and adjusting so well. Poor girl having to move SO many times at such a young age, I really hope she can stay in this school district for a long time, ideally graduation. :o)

News in my life is that I was recently promoted, so that's been super exciting! I am so thrilled because I love the team I work with, adore the atmosphere, and thoroughly enjoy the new tasks.

We hosted something special and the planning and event itself kept me hopping. It turned out perfectly. I only wish I had been able to take pictures to share on here. Just have to take my word for it, it was amazing. Candy for the eye to be sure.

I'm really working to build clientele in the new area, and then I will hopefully be able to share pictures with you all again. I miss shooting SOOOO much! My photography took a back seat all summer to my surgery and recovery, but now I feel ready to jump back in!

fresh - {austin area newborn photographer}

2009-08-16T15:30:00.003-06:00

I have been very lucky to have been asked to photograph a beautiful friend throughout her pregnancy. Yesterday was a most gratifying shoot....I got to snap pictures of her new little baby boy. He's so precious and still so fresh. I forget what it's like to see such a tiny baby and to hear their itty bitty wimpering cries. I really, really love my job(s)!!

His nursery is decorated with a western theme so this is to blow up for his wall.

Or perhaps black and white... I'm partial to the black and white.

Ray LaMontagne is singing one of my favorite mellow tunes "Empty."

Stay tuned for an update of why I've been SOOOO quiet lately...lots going on!

a little piece of my heart - {austin area photographer}

2009-08-11T09:21:00.003-06:00

It's no secret that I have been shooting pictures of Masyn since the first day of her life, on at least a weekly basis. She is by far the most photographed of my girls because of her modeling days and her stint as my SFB spoke baby. :o) No matter how many times I take a picture of her, I still love seeing her smile so much it physically hurts me. I honestly believe she's got that "heartbreakingly beautiful" quality. Even with ketchup and food all over her face as seen below, she can steal my heart just by the twinkle in her stunning blue eyes. I love this girl so much, that even when she is absolutely a pill (and believe me, she can be!)... she still owns me and I would do anything in the world to see this sweet smile and hear her raspy little laugh.

Music musing is a fun song we've been having kitchen dance parties to lately, "Say Hey (I Love You)" by Michael Franti & Spearhead.

superfluous - {austin area photographer}

2009-07-27T14:42:00.007-06:00

because sometimes, adding words is just more than is necessary....

Music musing is "Rave On" by M. Ward (Featuring Zooey Deschanel)

open ~ {austin area photographer}

2009-07-25T10:15:00.006-06:00

Sometimes I just like to sneak in a steal a picture while the girls are asleep. Evelyn had only just opened her eyes when I took this photo, after a long, and obviously satisfying nap.

I really love to open the windows, because in my opinion there isn't any better way to wake up than to a gorgeous light pouring in on clean linens. You can almost smell it in this picture, the soft scent of Tide and perfume that lingers on my pillow (which Evy is borrowing here). I hope she remembers it amorously when she is grown up. I have great memories of my own mother's pillow smelling better than anything in the whole house...

The song (when it loads properly), is "Glitter In The Air" by Pink. I very much fancy Pink's slower, heartfelt ballads.

exit - {austin area photographer}

2009-07-20T13:58:00.004-06:00

SPC has me working this month, truly. Of course I am not sinless, I won't pretend that.. still this theme of "Seven Deadly Sins" is tricky for me. I'm very modest, yet I want to dive deeper creatively than I did last week. I want to try and capture something a little more outside my comfort zone.

Today I exited my place of security, I chose to try and shoot "lust."

I don't have anything clever to say, I'm still reeling from actually sharing this photo. However, I do have a gorgeous version of "She Is Love" by Parachute on my playlist for this shot.

the dark side of self portrait

2009-07-13T08:46:00.003-06:00

It's SPC time..... here I go again with the narcissism. Not really, this time it's all about someone else.

The theme for July is "The Seven Deadly Sins." Kind of dark and creepy, not my style so much, but I can roll with it. I gave it some thought and what I came up with was "envy."

Not that I sit around wishing to be someone else, but given the chance to switch faces and/or bodies with someone else, it would certainly be Kate Beckinsale. There really isn't a single thing about her that isn't exactly perfect (her nose especially causes the green to rise in me a bit).

On to a more personal note. I'm DRIVING again!!!! My back is still stiff and sore at times, but I have made huge improvements and I can drive (sometimes it requires a Tylenol), I am narcotic-free, the physical therapist has added weights to my workout, I am able to lean back in chairs now, and a few other boring things that are milestones for me. :o) I'm quite excited about this and I will most likely be moving back to my favorite city at the end of this week! Austin, I miss you!

I have a music musing to share as well. I just purchased this song on iTunes and love it. The song is "I Don't Believe You" by Pink. She really has a strong voice, this song compliments it perfectly.

and so we drench

2009-07-08T08:09:00.009-06:00

It's how it has to be when you live in Texas and it's over 100 degrees every single day... swimming is a must. So here are some pictures of our little poolside spectacle.

Snow cones are pretty much a necessity in the summer. However, this was the first time Masyn and Evelyn had ever had one!
*Masyn would like to add a note here.... "All our tongues match our swim suits."
She is soooooo OCD.

So, we have this little game in the pool...basically I throw this wet ball and everyone else tries to catch it... (so much fun for me, let me tell you). Occasionally though, I get a helper who throws too, and this is Masyn's "throw face" that I just LOVE!! She is so intense and honestly, she has a darn good arm for a 5 year old.

Yeah, yeah, I tried to take one of myself too, to prove that I was there during this time in the girl's life. I seriously think that they will question my existence one day because there are so few pictures of us together.....because I am always taking the pictures. *Note to self: Invest in a remote for The Beast.

Avery was soaking up some serious sun here. Everything about this is reflective, I swear my lens was screaming in pain when I took this picture. "Too bright Amelia, too bright!!" And I politely answered back "SHUT IT!"

My darling little Evelyn Blair! She wears out pretty quick in the sun, so it's imperative that I snap her before she gets in the pool. If I miss that precious moment before she is submerged...all hope of a happy picture is lost, because either 1. her eyes are closed, or 2. she is crying to go get food.

Another picture of Avery (who, the little narcissist that she is since her P-word post, will be thrilled to see herself again).... looking way too grown up. I love this new phase in her life, but oh boy does it ever make me feel old!!!

Music musing selection is "Juicy" by Better Than Ezra.

texture trumps tone

2009-07-01T16:55:00.003-06:00

At least for now, I have to concede to the "softening" of my muscles, because I can't really challenge myself like I was before surgery. It's disheartening, I won't lie. I'm cringing when I look in mirrors and pull up my shorts. Let me just say "firm" is not the adjective I would use to describe my legs at this point.

On a recent grocery excursion, I had to pick up a new can of shaving gel. As I perused the self grooming aisle, I stumbled upon Skintimate Cream Shave. "Hmm," I wondered aloud. Something I haven't tried, and many of you know that I am a sucker for trying new things, especially beauty products. Yes, I am the advertiser's dream come true. I am the customer who reads the heady promises and thinks "I have to try this!"

I bought the Cream Shave, and oddly..my shaving gel that was almost empty seemed to breed within the can and never run out, as if it knew how anxious I was to try the new product sitting on the cabinet. Finally, on a great Monday morning, my shaving gel could breed no more and I tried the Cream Shave.

The result of this new product (paired with my Men's Gillette Fusion Razor) was an incredibly soft, smooth shave!!!! When I say this, I am not just talking about a decent shave, this was one of those "I can't keep my hands off my own legs" shave! Seriously, I was flipping out while I rinsed them, lathered on a little unnecessary lotion, and dressed. I wanted to just touch them all day, and the next!

So while my legs might not be in tip top shape, I have found something that, for now, can boost my spirits about my gams.

masyn unfettered on the wii

2009-06-27T19:00:00.003-06:00

This is what happens when a five year old with some O.C.D. characteristics plays a Wii.

There aren't any words needed here... it made me laugh to watch her, so I'm sharing the joy.

not so puerile anymore

2009-06-24T16:18:00.005-06:00

I get asked fairly often "don't you have 3 girls?" I answer emphatically (and with a mental rolling of my eyes) "yes." The eye rolling is not due to the asking of the question, but merely to the fact that I have to be asked.... sometimes I find myself exasperated with my beautiful firstborn, because she is never present for picture taking! If I am lucky enough to hog tie her long enough to shoot some pictures, her pained expressions make me feel much too guilty to post them on here (not to mention the ropes that show in the background of how she is tied up).

I reduced myself to bribery. Unabashedly, I admit this to you all. I buttered her up with promises of the use of my fedora and a personal one-on-one photo shoot. Of course the weather was boiling and her typical look of torture surfaced quickly (there was apparently a very important Wii game she needed to go play), but I did manage to snag this picture.

More recently and to the point of this post, Avery (that's my oldest daughter for those of you who are still lost) mentioned the other day something about the "P" word. Yes, she was talking about something and I was buried deep in my Harry Potter book, when like screeching tires on a semi wet road my ears were assaulted with "oh you mean like puberty?"

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!...went through my mind. She's ten, I'm not ready for this, not ready for her to be so grown and to know all this stuff. I'm still waiting for my own breasts to develop, I don't think I can manage telling her about hers.

Once they picked me up off the floor, (no that's a joke, if I fell it would be super bad right now as I am still healing from back surgery) I regained my composure and asked her if she knew what that...that...P word meant. She said "no, not really, just heard it on tv."

*sigh*

Thank you God! I was still going to have time to tell her myself.

So, as you all might have guessed by now, we are having "the talk" almost daily. We are embracing ideas about better hygiene, body image, healthy living, and reading a book together that helps us talk on her level where I have often been unable to express to her the importance of some of these issues (especially hygiene and eating...somehow she thinks books must be right so maybe Mama isn't that dumb after all since the book agrees with what I have been saying for the past couple years). I won't embarrass her by sharing the private questions and answers we have talked about, because she does read this from time to time, but to all you moms of girls in this precarious time of life, don't hesitate as I did... having these times together is SO helpful. It has opened the door for some communication between us that she wasn't sure how to put into words and I have been able to grasp a little more that she is in fact becoming a young woman and I have to let her try some things and that it's okay to guide her towards becoming a woman. I'm making it a point to help her find the fun in being a girl and wearing skirts, or make up, or how to do fun things with her hair.

She isn't grown up yet, but she's getting there and I want to be by her side the whole way.

Avery, this is a special note to you as you snoop around my blog:

I love you baby! I love singing to Taylor Swift with you. I love playing Fashion Party on the Wii. I love that you care about your sisters, even though sometimes they make you so mad you hit (I don't love that you hit sometimes). I love that you want to spend time with your silly mama. I love spending time with you. I love it when you talk to me. I love when we get to shop together. I love fixing your hair. I love looking at your baby pictures. I love swimming with you. I love getting to watch you grow up. I love how well you adjust to new places. I love walking in to see you sleeping with your glow worm. I love that God put you in my life!

sometimes.

2009-06-20T16:05:00.003-06:00

There are many things that are commonly considered to be cute and faces that are typically thought to be cute. Most children utter "cheese" the moment they see a camera. Trained from birth to look straight at the lens and flash a smile, genuine or not.

I have tried hard to keep my girls from this. In fact, it's quite tricky, but I like to just pretend there is no camera and play with them as usual so that I get a real and what I find to be the most precious pictures... candid shots.

The only trouble with my choice in their photographic upbringing is that when they ARE aware of my camera's presence, they either run, or do this....

Yes, these really are their faces just from seeing "The Beast" (that's my camera). I didn't say or do anything to upset them, they just didn't want me to take a picture I guess, because once they saw glass, the smiles faded.

The truth is though, I really love these faces too, pouty and all, I just want to kiss and hug away the frowns. I absolutely love every face they make, even though they aren't all chipper and they don't sniff the "cheese" face, I would sometimes rather have a scowl than anything else...if it means being real, I'd for sure rather have the moody faces.

leaps and bounds

2009-06-18T20:40:00.003-06:00

I am beyond excited, beyond thrilled... really I am just super grateful and extremely giddy! I have finally turned some kind of corner! I feel so much better this week!!!

My pain has subsided and is more what I would call "discomfort." I am not pain free, but it's so tolerable that I am just pushing ahead with movement and exercises at physical therapy and home. Today I got in a pool, though I am not yet strong enough to swim, I could finally hold my girls and that felt wonderful, I've missed picking them up.

As evident by my picture, I can now move enough to lay on my stomach, which was a feat a couple weeks ago. Riding in cars is finally not like facing a gauntlet. I just feel like life is going to be okay again, I have a refreshed outlook and I think for the first time since my surgery, I might see that this was a good choice. :o)

I still have lots of swelling and a mysteriously gross pot belly to get rid of, but I'm working hard to tackle those as well.

Thank you all for the outpouring of love and prayers, they have meant so much to me and I know have aided in my making it through this, because there were days (you can ask my mom) I thought maybe I'd rather just die than keep dealing with the pain and the recovery. It's not over, but this week has been the best yet and I just have a great feeling that I will keep getting better and better and return to Austin and Anthro.... oh I just can't wait, I miss life!!!

brighter times

2009-06-14T08:51:00.003-06:00

This week I have been out of the house a few times! It feels bittersweet, because it's so nice to get out, but I do have to take it in small doses because I get sore fast and I get tired very quickly.

All that taken into account wasn't enough to keep me from planning a little picnic with the girls at the park. Sandwiches, sunshine, playtime, and pictures! What more could I ask for?!

Started with food...

Masyn was ready to eat...

...but Evy was ready to play!

After eating and playing and mama snapping several pictures, it was time to pack up and go. I can't wait to be stronger and get on the swings with them. I am definitely on the mend here, thanks for all the prayers and comments!! Still a long way to go, but I begin physical therapy on Tuesday and I think this will help me a great deal. Yay!!